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A Bird in the Hand...

2010-09-14T10:38:00.004-05:00

Folks, it's been pitifully long since I faithfully posted. Forgive me. If anyone is still following, I promise to do better at updating at least once a month. This blog got pushed to the back burner last spring when I began working on opening a private practice with 3 other friends & clinicians. With that being said, we named ourselves Sparrow House Counseling. (our website should be up & running in t-minus next week or so) We have our official Open House this week and I thought I'd show you the wooden sign we hung in our waiting room yesterday (forgive the iPhone photo quality):

I love our logo. Many, many thanks to Switch Creative Group and Kimi Dallman, also of former K-Life/Kanakuk fame, for handling our branding, logo, website and stationary. We could not have begun to market ourselves out of a paper bag.

Currently, I'm working on finding a fun collection of prints to be hung above my desk. I'm used to the classic ones you see on the walls of some therapists' offices: the kitten posters admonishing you to "Hang in There!" or the ubiquitous Thomas Kincaid paintings. I think my style is eclectic and that I'd rather my clients get a few snapshots into my head. Here's one that's going up:

I ordered several of those. I also have a great Hammerpress print, a little bird perched atop a cowboy boot, that will go up. Many thanks to Missy Williams who has held my hand along the way. She handled everything from choosing our paint colors to doing our space planning. I'll post a photo of my office once the dust settles (that only takes about 6 months, right) so you can feel the zen.

Ahhh, Mexico

2010-07-05T19:41:00.005-05:00

Well, you were sure I was dead, weren't you? I'm not. I've been just a bit consumed by other things...TBA. But for quite awhile we've had this lil' vacation planned with David & Missy. With no kiddos, or as we say here, "sin ninos."

Missy, or Misty, as I like to call her, has been chillaxin'.

Getting some sun...

Deep convos by the pool...

Here's my classic feet shot (shout out to Today's Letters)

Hi, little hermies! (These guys were all cloistered together, livin' life.)

Miss, getting her fly-fish on.

And here is the fruit of her labor: Donde' esta tu pescado?

More to come...

Photo Update

2010-04-08T14:12:00.003-05:00

Life has been hectic. I will have much more to share come May but until then I'll just post some recent photos from Easter.

Davy had her first two Easter egg hunts. She can't quite pronounce egg - it sounded more like "I-agg." But she really got into it. And she talks so much now! Lots of jibberish and jabbering but her most repeated phrases are "that's Momma/Dada/anyone else whose name she can say", "Go bye bye!" and of course, "I poo-poo."

Airplane! I took about 5 different shots here but she could only talk about the planes overhead.

I hate this photo. Easter was muggy & warm and since we went to the 8am service, I didn't have time to shower and get all ShaNaNaNaNa. Russ and I were so beat by the time we took this photo but since we're terrible about taking family shots, here you go.

Food, Inc.

2010-03-17T08:25:00.003-05:00

I am so sleep deprived this morning, so bear with me. This could very well sound like a rant but I would be remiss and completely disobedient to not post about this.

I had been wanting to watch the movie, "Food, Inc." for quite awhile. My hesitation to do so was the thought that it would make me sick to my stomach or pressure a vegetarian or vegan lifestyle. It did neither of these, by the way, so if these are reasons you've yet to see it, please - watch it now!

Just over a year ago Russ began seeing a homeopathic doctor to treat his blood pressure without medication. That began a long journey for us in learning about food and how it can be used to heal medical problems. It hasn't been a fun journey. We've relapsed almost weekly. But after watching this documentary last night, I'm more than ever convinced that so much of what we've been learning is essential and needs to be practiced as routinely as possible.

I rarely eat beef. I do love a steak from Capital Grill every once in awhile. I'm not a huge burger girl. I will probably completely discontinue eating burgers for several reasons now: after learning about the problem with feeding corn to cattle and 1) what it does to the cow plus 2) what it does to my own body (I'm talking about e coli issues), I just feel sickened.

If you can stomach it, please go watch THIS VIDEO by the Humane Society documenting calf abuse at a slaughter plant in Vermont.

I am convinced that beef and chicken can be good for the human body. However, I am also convinced that our food industry is suffering from the same issues that are rampant across our country and bringing about the financial enslavement of those in the lower eschalons of our tax brackets. When lower income familes cannot afford fruits and vegetables in local grocery stores, they are forced to put money into the pockets of large conglomerates like most fast food chains that offer the almighty Dollar Menu.

A growing problem in America is the "corporatocracy": private corporations and conglomerates control our government when their executives end up in different branches of our government. Do you know who Monsanto is? I didn't. Monsanto has gained a monopoly that has had devastating effects on the American farmer. (By the way, Monsanto invented Agent Orange.) If you never watch "Food, Inc.", please educate yourself about the corporatocracy happening in our food industry. Your health and the health of your children is at stake.

Stuff I've been doing:

Buy Organic. Yes, it's more expensive. Shopping with a conscience will put a strain on your wallet but you can buy smarter at most large grocery stores, Walmart included.
Buy local. See if your town has a Farmer's Market. Dallas has an excellent one. I miss living across the street from it.
When you crave a burger, choose grass-fed beef. Simply staying away from McDonald's (listen, I love me some McDonald's fries - I'm not hatin'!) or other fast food chains can make a difference in the treatment of cattle.
Buy range-free eggs. Our family eats eggs every.single.day. That small decision can greatly effect Tyson - one of the conglomerates I was warning about above.
Check labels. For every staple in your diet, there is corn syrup in that food that is fueling the food industry's obsession with chemically manufactured food. DO NOT BUY FOOD WITH HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP. Yes, I know this is most sodas. You'll be surprised by how much better you feel on plain, 'ol H2O.

Stuff I Will Start Doing:

Look into food co-ops. This one takes place across the street from my office. Hmmm, easy?
Plant a garden. I've been saying this for so long. After watching the movie, Russ prayed that we'd get our butts in gear in learning how to do this.
Buy produce in season. This one little choice can greatly effect our supermarkets and the conglomerates who control our food.

Things to know:

Monsanto now controls 93 % of soybeans and 80% of corn grown in the US.
Tyson, Cargill, Swift and National Beef Packing Company control 83% of the beef packing industry.
Smithfield, Tyson, Swift and Cargill control 66% of the pork packing industry.
AVOID THESE COMPANIES WHEN POSSIBLE.

Over & out. I am in dire need of a nap but the future on that looks bleak!

The Answer

2010-02-19T10:11:00.004-06:00

I've realized something: music is a medium by which I feel closest to God. I spent my morning off scouring YouTube for videos of songs I love. The video above is called "The Answer" by Shane Barnard & Shane Everett. And I'm going to go out on a limb to say that this song has probably had the most impact on my life than any other song. Gasp! I know!

In 2002 I went through a debilitating clinical depression. It had probably been brewing for almost a year before and I certainly handled it in ways that only exacerbated my symptoms. I had no idea what was happening to me partly because I'm a performance-driven person and partly because I had never experienced anything like it before. As the symptoms mounted, I even decided on a date for my suicide, worked out a plan.* If you've been through a depression you know what happened to me: exhaustion, insurmountable self-loathing, loss of interest in work and friends, crying jags, loneliness and unending emptiness. It was like God went and hid behind the clouds.

Music would sometimes make the clouds part. I could sense God in those moments and the reprieve from the crushing sorrow was refreshing. This song was probably played more by me in the summer of '02 than I can ever recall. Because I was in full-time youth ministry during that time, depression felt like I was marked for ruin. It was while I was on a mission trip to the mountains of Venezuela that I discovered this song on the album "Psalms". I would listen to "The Answer" over and over as a means of separating myself from the idea that I had become anathema.

"I have found the answer is to love You and be loved by You alone. All right.
You crucified me and the world to me
And I will only boast in You. All right."

That was all I had.

Katy, you'll remember this: our K-Life group had a golf tournament during that summer and because I was so completely physically & mentally exhausted, I spent the entire time worrying that people could see through me and that they were discussing my failures and shortcomings every time I turned my back. The paranoia was awful. But I made it through the day, fake smile on my face and my body feeling like it would collapse. As soon as I got in my car, I immediately turned on this song and I can remember sensing that the Lord was truly smiling down on me. That He was there, in my car, that He loved me, that He was carrying me. I wept and wept and played this song on repeat while I drove home.

The truth became clear much later (after therapy and a year of working the 12 Steps): I was never meant to be "good enough" for youth ministry. I was never meant to boast in myself or fill up on myself. The Answer was that I've been crucified in Christ (Gal. 2:20) and I have nothing to boast in but Him (Eph. 2:9). Who knew the pathway out of depression was that simple?

ANYWAY: that was a LOT of history to tell you that God has used music in my life to rescue me from depression, to draw me to His side, to give me moments of joy, to help me express myself, to make sense of Scripture...the list goes on. Are you like me? Or do you have other mediums by which you feel near to the side of God?

Go here to find out how you experience closeness to God.

Quiz from Sacred Pathway by Gary Thomas.

*If you are experiencing symptoms like these and think you might be suffering from depression, you can go here to find a Christian counselor near you.

Snow Angel

2010-02-11T12:25:00.003-06:00

The snow is beautiful but my poor child looks like a vagrant: Christmas jammies, toggle coat, oversized pastel mittens 'n stocking cap and feaux Uggs that won't stay zipped. Everyone loves a hot mess.

Thoughts from the Tundra

2010-02-11T10:36:00.003-06:00

It's snowing lovely big, fat flakes right now and Lil' Bit is taking an early nap. Ahhh. Just finished the coffee pot and wish I had some profound thoughts to spatter here but, alas, I got nothin'.

So I'll share a random memory.

Growing up with my younger brother was often a lesson in patience when it came to the dinner table. Josh was the quintessential picky eater in our family. He often turned his nose up at the most simple of meals. I remember (fondly?) the night when my dad warned him that if he didn't finish the rest of his hot dog, by God he was gonna get a spanking. Josh sat for hours with that 'dog stuck in his chaw, after the plates had been cleared, the table wiped down...and eventually in the dark when we all simply left the room. Kid had an iron will.

Anyway, as he got older Josh discovered barbecue sauce. But by "discovered" I mean that it became like his mealtime blankie, something that was required for him to hold a fork in hand. It was often my job to set the table for meals and I frickin' hated when my Mom would ask, a bit anxiously, "did you remember the barbecue sauce?"

As a Southerner, it's a requirement for you to be a fan of barbecue. But after years and years of smelling that crap doused over all kinds of food - eggs, sandwiches, pork chops, tacos - I got to the place where just the slightest whiff of barbecue sauce could turn my stomach. Even long after I had moved away and lived on my own, I still had a bad reaction. Once at Kanakuk, someone saw me turn my nose up at the mention of BBQ and asked, "girl, what kinda person hates barbecue? You must hate kissin', too!"*

You guys have any bad memories associated with certain foods?

*no, indeed kissing is still on my list of favorites.

Snapshots from Haiti

2010-02-06T10:13:00.003-06:00

My friend Missy has spent this past week in Haiti with a group called Visiting Orphans. She is staying in an orphanage far outside of Port au Prince where many other orphans are being transferred to for safety. Many of the kids were made orphans by the earthquake.

Anyway, Missy has been blogging about the trip and this post tells a few short stories via some photos. (Missy, were these all done on your iPhone?)

Check it out.

On Managing Anxiety

2010-02-03T08:31:00.003-06:00

Eden says it better than I can today.

For what it's worth, I believe that managing your breath has quite a bit to do with overcoming anxiety. A wise man, Mr. Bill Orender, taught me about deep breathing exercises about 6 years ago when I was suffering from panic attacks. I bet you don't realize how shallow you are breathing all day long, as you drive around town, running late from errand to errand and cranking in the caffeine to keep your system hoppin'.

I'm also a firm believer in yoga. It's not a religion for me - it's a workout in detaching from the physical pain of my body and the emotional pain trapped in my breath and my mind.*

*someone's gonna read this and go, "oh brother, it all started when she began reading those awful Harry Potter books! Pagan!"

Fashion Slave

2010-01-21T09:42:00.001-06:00

I really think the Blankie completes this fashion statement, don't you?

I Knew Her When...

2010-01-20T12:57:00.003-06:00

I saw this commercial the other day and did a quick double-take. I recognized the daughter. I knew it. In fact, I had just seen a re-run of Arrested Development (God rest its soul) and had the same double-take.

Oh, hello little girl from "When a Man Loves a Woman"!

Now, see the girl on the right? I just saw her in another sitcom ad!

AHHH! Everywhere there are reminders that I am just.getting.old.

Momma's Got A Brand New Bag

2010-01-14T16:34:00.004-06:00

(Sometimes I hate trying to come up with post titles)

I bought this today at Target. This photo doesn't do it justice, however. The inside contains several sections, including a padded one for my laptop. There is a wallet compartment, a phone compartment, and something perfect for diapers. See, I'm not really a purse person. Don't get me wrong, I love great bags. But I hate toting a purse around and I tend to get tired of them very easily. Also, I can't justify spending loads of cash on a purse that I'm going to toss in the backseat and onto the floor of the ladies room and spill apple juice inside of...you get my drift.

I currently carry a canvas bag from J.Crew:

Loved it for about 4 months. It's just simple enough to work for me. But the downsides are: no sturdy bottom so the purse leans to whichever side carries the most weight, a canvas bottom so it will need a good washing by now, and only one small zip pocket with no other compartments. It served it's purpose for 4 months and now I'm moving on to a bag more suited for work/mommydom.

My ideal bag would be stylish but have the accoutrements of a Mountainsmith pack:

I loved this pack. It totally worked for my Kanakuk/K-Life days. You know, 'cause I had to carry my bible, and my Beth Moore bible study, and my journal...my life was so WILD! Seriously though, why doesn't Mountainsmith make diaper bags?

On a totally different note, Russ and I have begun* the P90X workouts. I'm scared to even mention this because it means...dun dun dun...accountability. But I need to let folks know so they understand why I must grab the back of my knees to ensure that I can pick my legs up to move them forward. Or why sitting up might bring a torrent of hot, salty tears from my eyes.

*I said BEGUN! I can't promise anything more than that, people.

Ginormous Child

2010-01-07T10:28:00.001-06:00

See? A Photo! Sister was not a fan of those mittens.

Misdirection

2010-01-07T09:47:00.002-06:00

I'm ashamed to have stayed away from here for over a month. I typically stop reading if someone waits so long to post. I've been thinking about deleting this blog, mostly because I don't know what I'm doing here. The list of blogs I read are mostly family and friends, who may or may not post regularly, then friends of friends who post daily, then mommy/design blogs. Confession: When I read mommy/design blogs (ie: the blogs of other mothers who are crafty, take amazing photos and/or do tutorials on their sites like "how to sew a designer diaper bag") I typically come away with a fair amount of self-loathing and insecurity. I'm lucky to snap a blurry photo of Davy eating dog food taken from my iPhone to put here.

I really, really, really wish that I had an ounce of decorating savvy and that I had enough time/money to redecorate a room and publish high quality shots of the entire event. Because these are the types of things I like to read on other blogs. Then I can compare myself and walk away with that satisfying dose of insecurity and self-pity!

What I do for the majority of my day is sit with people and hear incredible stories or terribly sad incidents or share in the beauty of watching God move in the life of someone who had previously had no presence of Hope in their lives. But I cannot talk about that here. It's all very interesting and even exciting but it needs to stay locked in my office where it belongs. It's safe there and not at all safe if I were I to share it! (Those who know me best know I can be lacking in discretion. Hey! Here's my office number!) But seriously, counseling happens to be one thing I have a talent for - oh how I wish I could use this as an avenue to brag about that! (Note: I'm being sarcastic - it is my belief that good counseling has little to do with the counselor herself...it's a Holy Spirit thing.)

Anyway, this leads me back to the understanding that what I do with my day cannot be shared here and cannot be the purpose for this blog. And because I'm not a super-mommy or even a super-photog, I don't think that documenting Davy's life here is the purpose for this blog.

I do love to read. A lot. In fact, it's one of the reasons I haven't said anything here for awhile. I thought about doing more book reviews. (You'd much rather come here than Goodreads or Amazon, right?!)

Several friends have bugged me to write. As in, get published. Ha! Now, I have a plethora of good stories, mostly because I am a magnet for embarrassing moments of the poop variety. But I don't know if I could be a good writer. I might try to share more stories here....we'll see. There are many moments in a day when I think, "I should blog about this!" But they are fleeting and superficial...and maybe that's what this place needs... If you stop by here, would you stop & offer feedback? What would you like to see?

(I have to pause and point out my codependecy here: "Hey guys? This is my blog. What would you like me to do with it?" Ugh. It's exhausting to be this much of a people-pleaser.

Lovey

2009-11-30T19:19:00.006-06:00

The hubs is a Superperson, in case you can't tell from his 1978 tee.

Look, even back then, he was a sweet, laid back boy. Truly, the guy is in his element when he can just relax and talk one on one with someone - a quality that quickly (is 9 months quick?) sucked me in...

This one is my favorite. So tuckered out. Dirty jeans. Dirty face. Boys, you know?

I married the coolest guy ever. Sorry. He's taken.

Happy Birthday to Russ! My sweet boy!

Recasting Twilight

2009-11-21T09:39:00.004-06:00

If you are burnt out on the Twilight phenomenon, please know that so am I. This post was written out of sheer annoyance.

Confession: I read all the Twilight books in a matter of a week and a half, voraciously devouring them (which is not hard considering they are akin to a "beach read" as far as depth & plot go) and reading late into the night. But. I thought the first movie was worse than a bad after-school special. Just terrible acting, worse casting, and the hair dye on the majority of the cast? Ohmalord.

Exhibit A:

The Cullen family is a joke to me. Peter Facinelli as Carlisle? Seriously? And the bottle blond hair? It's despicable! I was truly disappointed and thought I'd make some casting changes to improve this bajillion dollar trainwreck.

So let's start with Carlisle. Forgive me for not buying into Mike from "Can't Hardly Wait" as Dr. Cullen!

I'd go for this guy instead:

If you don't find John Slattery attractive enough, check your pulse. After all, Carlisle Cullen needs to have just the right air of youth and sophistocation to be believable.

And what about that chick playing Rosalie?

I don't know who Nikki Reed is, but I do know she's a natural brunette with tan skin. NOT A FIT! Rosalie is supposed to be beautiful, pale, and be able to act her way out of a paper sack. I was so disappointed with Ms. Reed in the first movie. My choice for Rosalie would be:

First of all, if you've ever watched "Big Love", you know that Amanda Seyfried can pull off the perfect amount of cold/yet cautious that the role of Rosalie calls for. Who's with me on this choice?

...Now onto one of the most annoyingly disappointing cast mistakes: Bella's Dad. This was really irritating to me, as if the casting director needed each and every actor to look like some kind of arm candy! I know the vampires are supposed to be very attractive, but Mr. Swan is a mere human. I'd change him from this:

To this:

You've seen J.K. Simmons play a dad in both "Juno" and "I Love You Man". I think he'd do a much better job as Bella's OLDER, introverted father. And I'd like to see his more serious side in a movie.

As far as Kristen Stewart as Bella, I'm fine with that. K-Stew plays the exact.same.person in every movie she has ever been in: pensive, tense, tight-lipped, boring, blah.

(Panic Room)

See? And here, too!

(Adventureland)

And Bella is a serious girl. But now I'd just appreciate it if Ms. Stewart would recede into privacy. Because I'm getting about as burned out on her as I was on Beyonce' for awhile. (AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, KATY!)

I'm a Team Edward kind of gal so I'm all for Rob Pattinson...except his faux American accent drives me batty...as does his "smell the fart" acting as Edward.

Rob, I'd enjoy Edward a lot more if you'd just tone down your English accent. After all, back when Eddie Cullen was born, most American still sounded a bit like the Brits.

That's it, folks. My rant is over.

Go Here for Therapy

2009-11-19T09:15:00.002-06:00

I know. It's been over a month and a half. For shame. It's just that my job requires so much thinking. And words. And depth. And I have nothing left to put here when I'm home. Also? My daughter walks and (tries to) talk now! So blogging has been pushed waaaay down on that To-do list.

Due to all of the above, I've also stopped reading most of the blogs I used to keep up with. But this morning while Davy was busy not napping and squealing loudly from her bed, I wandered over to a blog I read every once in awhile. It never disappoints.

Matt lost his wife the day after she gave birth to their daughter, Madeline. I've kept up with him on and off and spent a little time reading about their extended stay in India - where he first proposed to his wife. I wiped away lots of tears today and thought, Grief is truly a Journey.

Back From the Grave

2009-10-08T08:49:00.003-05:00

I know you've been checking back here repeatedly, dear followers (Mom), and must be curious about my absence. It's nothing exciting. Just a stomach virus. Last Monday night I lived through the one experience that I had been dreading: baby projectile vomiting. I used to see friends posting all the time on Facebook about their child being sick and throwing up all over the place. Each time I read something like that I'd begin furiously praying, "please God no may it never be" over and over.

And yet - it happened. I was putting D to bed after a normal day and a normal bedtime routine. While I was wrapping her blankie around her she softly coughed, spat out her pacifier, and proceeded to go all Exorcist on me. Wow. A wall of chewed tomatoes, corn, string cheese, yogurt, blueberries and milk sprayed across the bed, missing the bed entirely (small thanks) and landing on me and the floor. I was stunned. I was literally frozen while it happened, much like I'd imagine most folks are during extremely traumatic moments.*

Anyway, it happened um, around 11 more times that night so after 5 loads of laundry, 3 sessions of floor mopping, and two more baths, I knew I had been baptized into a more mature level of motherhood. That's the worst that motherhood gets, right? RIGHT? Okay, whew.

On a not so funny side note, both Russ and I got sick as well. Only Russ got sick hardcore, as Russ has been known to do - summer of 2007 anyone?* 8 And now, even though he's better, he's losing weight as if, oh, say he's training for a half marathon. Only he's not. But I am. But I have lost jack diddly and am starting to think about secretly adding mayonnaise to everything I cook for him. Can anyone tell me why this happens with men? I can't figure out how I can run 25 miles a week and still hold onto weight like my body is some toddler clutching her toys to her: MINE!

*Yes, I just compared my child throwing up to the trauma of say, refugees in a war-torn nation or surviving cancer. Don't you want me for your therapist?

**Ugh. I don't even like remembering the summer that Russ had some impossible to diagnose virus that made him run a high temp for 3 months and zapped all strength from him. Everyone avoided us like the plague and I had to mow the yard. THE TRAUMA I'VE ENDURED, PEOPLE!

Storms

2009-09-21T20:44:00.003-05:00

I am sitting on my back porch while a huge storm rolls in. Tree branches shaking, rain pelting our windows, the thunder is deafening - I will need to go inside soon and find refuge. It is a physical depiction of what my heart has been through the past week.

Last week I got some bad news concerning some people I love and a place that has been dear to my heart. Someone who seemed as strong as one of the old live oaks in my back yard fell from grace in such a way that the damage will take years to clear away from so many lives. My mind couldn't even accept the truth when I heard it...denial, shock, anger, sorrow.

Some folks who visit here don't know what I do for a living. I'm a counselor. This blog is not the place that I talk about my work. But I do hash out my emotions here. So, I can share that what I do at work all day is weather some very scary storms with people. I walk with people through pain. I hear bad news all day. It's hard. I don't write that to garner pity from anyone. But it takes it's toll at times. Most days I feel the weight of the privilege it is to hear the stories and share the burdens - I truly cherish my job.

But the other morning as I was driving to a very early running workout I just began sobbing in my car. There were no other cars on the street and I had nothing to distract me. I began the dangerous business of thinking about this person who fell and about those who have been hurt by him. I also began thinking about several other people who I knew were hurting just then. And the only thing that came to my mind was: "Come, Lord Jesus."

Sometimes this old world seems to hold so much pain and sorrow that the only comfort is to wish that Christ would return and make everything new. My goodness...the gratitude I have in knowing it is so much more than a wish...

Just like this storm outside my window has forced me indoors, I believe in a Refuge, a Place to run for cover.

For You have been a refuge for me,
A tower of strength against the enemy.
Psalm 61:3

In one of the most quoted sonnets by Shakespeare, he talks about love.

"Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove;
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken."
(Sonnet 116)

I need reminding that God is not shaken by all these storms in my life. This is how He loves me.

If you stopped by here will you pray with me for two people? Rachael's brother and sister-in-law gave birth last Friday to Connor, who died the same day he was born. Please pray for them as they grieve. I think of the empty nursery and I just can't keep it together. And will you pray also for Cari? A year ago tomorrow her beautiful, chubby, happy baby girl Caden died suddenly. I have never met Cari but I am so grateful for her honesty as she writes with candor and tears about the road she is walking. I've been in love with Caden since I found her blog. I know tomorrow (9/22) will be a hard day. Thank you, Jesus, for giving us eternity to meet these two precious babies...

The Lovely Bones

2009-09-10T21:16:00.001-05:00

This book deeply impacted me. It was scary, inspiring, heart wrenching and just very sweet. Here's to hoping that Peter Jackson can do it justice...

Thanks for the reminder, Buns!

Life Lessons from the Road

2009-09-10T08:48:00.004-05:00

So I've been a little stale here. I've been lacking inspiration for writing. All day long I think of things to post and then time or lack of energy gets the best of me.

But today's hill workout reminded me of a few truths I've learned since I became a runner 8 years ago. I always wanted to be a runner. It sounded very sexy. I had played sports all my life and even worked at a sports camp during my summers in college and afterwards. But running was my nemesis. Every time I'd head out for a run, I'd end up with side stitches, sometimes even puking on the side of the road. I felt insecure and never wanted to run with others because I knew they'd smoke me. I was sure that running and I, much like Bella and Jacob, were simply not meant to be.

One hot July afternoon at the aforementioned sports camp, I was attempting a run (less than 3 miles) and was running up a long hill, paved with gravel, and a bible verse came shuttling into my brain: but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint (Isaiah 40:31)

See, I was so intent on becoming a runner that I had been praying, asking God, "please make me a runner!" When this verse came into my mind, and I am not exaggerating here, I looked up and there in the sky were not one, or two, but three eagles flying high above me. I'm not pulling your leg - it almost knocked the wind out of me. I slowed down and felt tears popping out of my eyes.

And because I slowed down, I made it up that hill. And it was suddenly apparent to me - I had to slow down. I had to ask for help and I had to focus on something else beside the pain of running.

8 years later and I've run 2 marathons, countless half marathons and have coached running classes for 6 years...and the following is what I've learned:

1. Slow down. I can't say it enough: we take life way too fast. Much like those days when I have over-scheduled my life and left myself with little to no breathing room, going lickety-split will only serve to wear you out. Slow down. It took me a year to learn that I needed to be able to carry a conversation during a run. How true is that in life? If I'm too busy to talk to you, then I'm too damn busy. Slow.It.Down.

2. Go your own pace. There will always be someone faster than you. There will always be someone slower than you. Don't compare yourself to them. It will only derail you. The minute you get focused on how great someone else is, you've lost the battle on coming to grips with who God made YOU to be.

3. Don't go alone. Now listen: I've had hundreds of lovely runs by myself. They can be wonderful. But in the long run, if you're always by yourself, you're missing out. My dad has a motto, "there's two things you can't do by yourself: get married and be a Christian!" I think that life wasn't meant to be lived alone. Isolation is the beginnings of death. Running with others provides accountability, welcomed distraction, camaraderie, and friendship - all necessary for life!

4. Tune your mind into truth. It is very easy on a run to let what one of my favorite authors calls "Bad Mind" take over. To quote Anne Lamott, "Bad Mind kicked in...It whispers to me that I am doomed because I am such a loser. And Bad Mind can lean ever so slightly toward paranoia." While running, as in life, I have to constantly change the channel of my mind from negativity to hope, trust, and perseverance. Will this be a hard workout? Probably. But look! The sun is coming up! My body is healthy! What a great way to start the day and thank you Lord for this lack of humidity! Be gone, Bad Mind! An old friend once described this process as keeping your head up and letting the dark clouds of your mind roll by...

5. The only person who can define you as a runner is you. Years ago people would ask me, "are you a runner?" and my mouth would go dry. I would stammer and explain that yes, I run...but... I had a million excuses about how slow I was, how sometimes on a hard run I still had to walk. It took about 3 years of me coaching running classes to see how ridiculous this was! I'm a runner! So I run! In fact, that's what gets me up at 4:45am to do those crazy hill workouts. I'm a runner. So I behave like a runner...and runners run. I've had seasons when either injury, or insecurity, or simply life took me away from running. But that didn't change who I was.

One last thing to add: SHOES. People, the right shoes will do wonders for you. If you're near Dallas, I highly recommend Run On!

Misplaced

2009-09-09T12:35:00.004-05:00

via Don

A few years ago our friends, the McKeaiggs, told us they were contemplating a move to Portland, OR. We felt a little shocked, as we'd begun to imagine hanging out with them for a few more decades. As we sat and casually listened to their thoughts about the possible move, nodding and "hmmming" as they reasoned with us, I was silently warring with myself. In my mind, I leaned over and grabbed fistfuls of Emily's blond locks and screamed, TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!

Sometimes I just don't feel at all like I *fit* in Dallas. I mean, I got tears in my eyes watching that video, people. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the family and friends in our life here but I think about moving away probably several times a month. I suffer from a severe case of "grass is always greener."

I will now console myself by remembering that Portland has nothing like the State Fair of Texas.

Love in a Choke Hold

2009-08-27T15:16:00.004-05:00

The other day I stopped by Chelsea's to talk and we let the girls run amok while we ~~drank wine~~ talked about important things. I glanced over to see Caroline gingerly putting her hands around Davy's neck and thought, "uh oh - let's see where this leads" only to watch as C placed a very tender kiss upon her cousin's cheek. Caroline is practicing to become the world's best big sister. (Get on the ball, Chels) Anyway, we made her do it about 30 more times so I could score a quick video...

In Perspective

2009-08-24T21:16:00.002-05:00

Y'all. You know about me...and Bravo...and my "issues". Like how I am addicted to (err, "struggling with") watching all their shows and then contemplating how I would sit each and every castmember/famewhore down to love on them and explain why reality tv should never have (ever) been a wise decision for them.

Enter Rachel Zoe.

Um, gang? Ever heard of the Congo?

I apologize for the really lame content, guys. I'm braindead - what can I say?

Ode To My Baby Girl, on Her First Year

2009-08-14T21:04:00.010-05:00

(Warning: long hormonal post to follow)

Lovey, nigh upon a year ago you went and turned my life upside down...

See that? That's me, suddenly wondering who I am, and terrified that I might get lost in the terror of a newborn baby, something I up and did real quick so that navigation back to my former self would prove impossible. Dear Kathryn Davy, this past year you took me on the ride of my life. And I would do it over...and over...and over again. Because I've never experienced the kind of love that makes you realize the bridge to who you used to be has been burned and you can't go back and you're even GRATEFUL for that loss of your bearings. Onward ho! With no other choice!

Davy, you had only been a part of my life for a month or so when I realized that suddenly my life had become scarier. It wasn't just that your Daddy and I didn't know why you were always crying, though indeed that was terrifying. It wasn't that the whole breastfeeding thing had me flummoxed and teary-eyed in the middle of the night, though I really thought it might be the death of me when I came down with the dreaded mastitis. It was on an ordinary afternoon early on in my maternity leave and you were laying next to me on my bed while I was watching "Hotel Rwanda" for the first time ever. I'd seen many movies like it in the past. But suddenly! My heart was in my throat and I felt the beginnings of a panic attack coming on! Those children! They could be you! Suddenly all the sorrow in the world was my own and my fear was choking me! Little did I know that from that day on, every sad Today Show story, every news article about children trapped in an earthquake or talk of an orphan's home in South Dallas...those children felt like my child. There would never be enough hugs, or tears, to push away the fear that every parent encounters: that they might lose a child. It haunts me to this day - the notion that life has upped the ante, that I have more to lose today than I did a year ago.

But. Aside from the crippling fear came joy beyond measure.

I never understood how people could carry around photos of their children and expect me to care. And yet: a quick study of my iPhone will reveal hundreds of photos of you. Daddy and I would find ourselves calling each other only to discuss the barely perceptible new thing you had accomplished during that day: "Guess what." "What?" "Today she turned her head and was watching TV." "Seriously?!" "Yeah. And she smiled when the dog barked." We continually marvelled over your obvious talents. Someone call the Gifted Program.

Davy, I'm not gonna lie. Becoming a Momma was HARD. Every step stressed me out. Your father can attest to this: I am an anxiety hound and the lack of sleep only made it worse. But, bless your heart, you really were a good baby. By six months you slept through the night (though that damned Babywise had me thinking it would only take 9 weeks!). We learned quickly that as long as you were fed, you were up for whatever. After about 7 months of you and I hanging out I realized that you recognized me and maybe even really liked me being around. By 9 months I was certain that I had never really lived before you.

Your life has given me a whole new way of looking at mine. Let's take Daddy, for instance. Honey, you'd only been born for a few hours before it was painfully clear that I was never intended to marry anyone but your daddy. I remember holding you sometime around midnight on the day of your birth and looking over at your father who was fast asleep on the chair/couch next to me. I just burst into an estrogen cry fest because I suddenly realized something Jesus must have known for a thousand years or so - that Russell Page was always meant to be with me and meant to be your daddy. No one else would do. And Oh! The joy it brings me when I think of the totally different way you will know him as Daddy. Trust me: I know a thing or two about good daddies and you got yourself a good one.

Little girl, your personality is out like Clay Aiken. You are so intensely yourself. Here are some things to remember: everywhere we go, people say, "Oh my gosh! What a beautiful baby!" I used to think this was just something folks said to most babies until total strangers stopped me to ask if they could hold you. You smile at everyone. Hell, you'll babble coyly to anyone, too. "Those blue eyes!" If I had a nickel for every time I heard that. My prayer is that you will somehow escape the pressure that most girls feel by the time junior high rolls around: may you never measure yourself by your looks. It's too fleeting a weight to carry. May you somehow get it through your head that the stuff that lasts is the stuff the years can't change: your love for others, your tender heart. But if you succumb to those demons that your own mother bowed to - may you realize quickly that freedom lies in your Heavenly Father, the One Who loves you regardless of anything you can do for Him. Who knows your worth has nothing to do with performance, behavior or beauty.

Little girl, God brought you into my life to teach me the Great Lesson: how to love without being loved in return. Oh my. I never knew how selfish I was until you came along. For as long as I live I'll never be able to thank you for relieving me of the burden of ME. I just don't matter as much today as I did a year ago. And I know this is of God. Only He could use such a little thing to give me such a great gift. I can say with tears running down my face that you've taught me that this ol' life is full of surprises and pain...and that I would never trade it.

I love you, baby girl.

Love, Momma.

Changing People: Recipe for Lexapro

2009-07-29T09:28:00.003-05:00

I spend a lot of time thinking of things to blog about. But rarely do those ideas make it all the way here. I've been really lazy lately, posting videos of Davy, leaving one-liners. I'm working quite a bit these days so please forgive my lack of depth or insight!

My newest guilty tv pleasure is a little train wreck called "NYC Prep" on Bravo. I have a love/hate relationship with Bravo's reality shows. I think the network completely takes advantage of certain groups of people who are clamoring for their 15 minutes and makes glittery horse crap out of their lives. "NYC Prep" is the Real Housewives of wealthy high-schoolers living in Manhattan. While I usually cringe during each episode, I also find myself feeling protective and loving towards these too-big-for-their-britches kiddos...after all, who has already forgotten the angst and self-loathing covered with a thin veneer of bravado that is high school?

Below is a favorite clip of mine, mostly because brown-haired friend plays an excellent therapist to Jessi, NYCP's sassiest version of a budding Miranda Priestly:

So true. So, so true.

Someone Needs a Dose of Motrin and a Nap

2009-07-23T11:23:00.002-05:00

...and that someone is me.

I don't know if it's teething or just general fussiness but my daughter has been acting like a premenstrual 15 year old. You wanna know how to get back at a fussy toddler? When they start crying, show them the video you took of them crying earlier! Hopefully the concept of time collapsing on itself will throw their little brain into sleep mode...

Things I Didn't Sign Up For

2009-07-15T09:30:00.003-05:00

This heat (104+degrees) in Dallas is going to be the death of me. Yesterday I got up at 5am and went to the first workout for this season's White Rock Half Marathon class. It was already 82 by the time we started running at 5:30am. I tried to be peppy & encouraging as I led my group on the run but in my head I was thinking, "KILL ME NOW IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL TO SWEAT THIS MUCH AFTER 3 MINUTES OF EASY RUNNING!"

By end of day, I just wanted a good night's rest as our house labored to stay under 79 degrees indoors with the A/C blaring. I took just one lil' Tylenol PM hoping to sleep all night without any disturbances. Other people in our home didn't get this memo. At 3:30am I could faintly make out Davy crying through the haze of my medication-induced coma. Usually I'm fine with letting her cry it out but I also heard a dull thumping - suddenly my body went into Emergency Momma Mode and I flew out of bed fearing that she had gotten out of her crib.

On the way to my bedroom door, stumbling drunkenly in total darkness mind you, I sensed Fatty anxiously bumping against the door frame. Mystery thumping sound identified. I opened the door and he shot out of the bedroom like a bat outta hell. In my stupor I vaguely thought, "uh oh."

I've been weaning Davy for the past few weeks and it's been hard for us both: hard for me because it signifies the end of a sweet time in life. Hard for Davy because Woe to the one who comes between Davy and her food!! Woe, I say! The weeping and gnashing of teeth coming from the crib broke me so I nursed her in the middle of the night. Something I haven't done in many months.

Once she was down I was able to get my brain to tell my body, "left foot, right foot" back to my bedroom. But a nagging image of Fatty flying down the hall, toenails clickety clacking, was haunting me. I slowly made my way to the kitchen, turned on the light and saw what I had feared: Diarrhea Slaughterhouse 2009 all over the tiled floor.

The funny thing is that I barely flinched. It's like after almost of year of being a mom, liquid piles of poop on the floor don't even phase me. I just cleaned it all up, didn't even bother finding Fatty, who I'm sure had taken refuge in some dark hiding place, and shuffled back to my bed.

What a glamorous life I do lead.

Portrait of a Lil' Lady

2009-07-12T21:06:00.002-05:00

My mother in-law has a dear friend who is an artist and she came over a few months ago to take some photos of Davy and I because she wanted to do a portrait for us. Last night she brought it over for the big reveal and I'm so pleased. While nothing can truly capture the loveliness of my daughter quite like looking through my own mommy eyes, this painting is such a neat gift. Feel free to go see Karen's website if you're ever interested in commissioning her!

11 Months: First Steps

2009-07-10T21:57:00.002-05:00

Davy takes a few of her first steps for Mimi. At one point she took 10 on her own. Anyday now, peeps, and she'll be cruising around here like a tornado! I need life to slow down! You can see her doing a move we affectionately call the "bump and grind". When she's really tired, she buries her face in her blankie and does this move. Hilarious...I've been trying to catch it on video for months.

This One's For My Mother

2009-07-09T09:10:00.000-05:00

Thanks, Facebook.

Don't Stop Till You Cry Enough

2009-07-07T20:59:00.002-05:00

I am so sorry, Paris. It's not fair, having to share your only daddy's death with everyone in the world. When everyone else is crying just as hard as you, it steals away some grief.

I've felt cynical and annoyed ever since hearing about Michael Jackson's death. The media frenzy that centers on exploiting every.last.tidbit of information about celebrity makes me feel weary. Even watching part of the tribute today I felt irritated with the god-status that some seemed to bestow on Michael Jackson. But then when Marlon Jackson spoke, I realized how painful it must be to try to mourn the loss of a loved one of whom everyone had a piece.

And now I feel sad. Just listening to his music has brought back a lot of nostalgia and memories. I have so many thoughts but I'll keep quiet and just listen to the music...

And a dash of Jason Schwartzman

2009-07-01T10:40:00.002-05:00

thanks, A Cup of Jo.

Some of my all time favorites are covered!

Future Pronator

2009-06-29T15:04:00.001-05:00

Getting a jump start on her running career.

The Gosselins: an apology and some thoughts

2009-06-28T21:14:00.003-05:00

It's Sunday night after the week of our vacation and we're home from a really great church service during which Todd preached again on temptation. Ironically, I'm now watching "Jon & Kate + 8" and reflecting on the precarious nature of marriage. I was blissfully away from the news last week when Kate filed for divorce. And I know that I recently blogged about her hair - something I now think was a trifling thing to do. I apologize for doing so, especially since this has been a week for me to think about how under attack marriages are these days.

It's been a rough week for marriage. And I can't say that mine was exempt. Not just an hour ago I was short and rude with my husband who was simply trying to get out of the house for a run. I was selfish and "harpy", something Kate Gosselin has been accused of being towards her husband in the few episodes I've seen of their reality tv show. I admit I've often thought her truly brassy and caustic. In AA there is an old saying, "you spot it, you got it." This seems to plague me when I'm working with female clients. There have been numerous times when I've been repelled by a woman who seems controlling, fear-based and manipulative. Hmmm, how ironic: those are all character defects that I wrestle with consistently in my marriage.

Watching the episode in which they finally bring up their marital issues (accusations of affairs, different paths in life, the stress of the media, etc.) is like watching a tough marital session. I truly feel compassion for both of the Gosselins. I'm sure that when they first agreed to do their reality show, they counted it a blessing and would never have banked on the fact that it might have been their very demise.

Tonight in church the worship team performed the song "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns. You can go check out the lyrics but the gist of it is that most of us don't just implode one day...it takes a long time for us to fade into separation and sin. While watching this episode I told Russ that I want us to always be evaluating our marriage and striving hard to fight for it. I think we're both acutely aware (may we always be) that marriages don't die in one day.

Jon mentions in the episode that he and Kate have no real friendship anymore. And, wow - can't you relate to that? I have one little baby and I have to work so hard at a friendship with Russ. We both strive to maintain laughter, deep talks, faith, fun and everything else that friendship entails. I can't imagine us looking for time and sweetness together with 8 kids in between!

Jon also continues to say "I have to do what's best for my kids." Oh Jon, I just want to grab you and shake you. I talk to so many people who believe that divorce is far better for their children than the agony of working through the problems in their marriage. And, please forgive me for being so candid and crass: that is bullshit. I have to share this because I have personally been privy to marriages that have survived adultery, addiction, lies, betrayal, illness, tragedy, death of children, cancer, financial ruin...and their kids are the better for it. What a gift to give your children! Fight for your marriage and show them what God can do with death - He brings new life!

I'm preachin' now and I know it. I'm just lil' ole me in Dallas, Texas and there's nothing new I can say on this subject. But if I had their ear I'd tell them that there is no amount of money or security that is worth their marriage. Get.out.of.that.tv.show. Remember all the reasons you entered into the craziness of having 8 children. Remember the values that kept you from choosing to deem which ones you'd keep and abort. Cling to the fact that "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it." Man, we need God to stay married. It's such a scary crapshoot some days.

So I am officially praying for these two. It looks bleak, especially now that papers have been filed. I'm greiving for them, all 10 of them. May God keep watch over you guys.

Things I Swear By: Baby Addition, newborns

2009-06-18T08:46:00.004-05:00

While searching for nursery ideas for Johnna I was reminded of how tough it was to try to register for my first baby. Walking into Babies R Us and staring up into the great wall of bottles felt like I was visiting another country whose language I didn't speak. So I thought I'd throw my 2 cents into cyberspace to see if anyone cares! This addition of "Things I Swear By" is for babies in infancy.

First of all, we couldn't have gotten Davy home from the hospital without the Kiddopotamus' Snuzzler (see above). I remember convincing Russ to go get it the week before she was born and he was all, "Nah. We won't need it." But when we put Lil' Bit into the car seat there at Baylor Hospital, she looked so tiny and I was so grateful for the Snuzzler. It kept her from flopping all around on that precarious (to me) drive home. We used it for the first 3 months.

The Boppy was also immediately put to use. There are other pillows like Boppy, I'd just suggest getting something to help you breastfeed so that your back isn't killing you from slumping over your little one. *Even if you aren't planning on breastfeeding, the Boppy will save your arms - and Dad's arms as well!

Thank you to the Davidsons for loaning us their Fisher Price Nature's Touch Cradle Swing! Davy is now 20 pounds and she STILL loves to sit in the swing after breakfast. When she was just a smidge of a girl she would take naps in it. (note: most retailers will tell you not to do this - as if you're going to wake up that baby to go put them in the crib!)

See?

(for breastfeeding moms) There is NO way I would have made it through the past 10 months without this pump, the Medela Pump in Style. If you are forced to buy it for yourself, I would suggest that it might possibly be the best investment you'll make. Whether you are going back to work or not, this pump will ensure that even if you need to leave your baby with a sitter at the last minute, you can still pump a bottle's worth of food in just a few minutes. As I've increased my workload, this pump has also allowed me to keep my milk supply up. (Aren't you glad you stopped by here today?)

Oh people, we would be lost today were it not for baby blankets from Gymboree. We received one as a gift (along with MYRIADs of other blankets, all good ones) and something about the softness, the stretchiness, not to mention the adorableness of this blanket just made it so easy to swaddle Davy. We immediately began calling it "The Blanket." As in, "wait, where's The Blanket? These others don't work." I've since purchased several more. I think at least 3 are in her crib with her now. Anyone who has held Davy knows that if she's crying, just give her The Blanket and she'll hold it up to her face lovingly and calm right down.

I'm purposely not mentioning diapers or bottles here. We are Pampers and Medela bottle people but I promise every baby seems different in these areas - or, to be fair, every mommy has her own preferences! I'd welcome input from you on what you couldn't live without when your baby was an infant! I only had time for so many! More to come for older babies soon...

Some Nights are Just Good Nights...

2009-06-12T21:35:00.002-05:00

It was yellow tonight in Dallas as we labored under a tornado warning. If by laboring I mean: watched two good movies over two bottles of wine with my husband.

Simple pleasures: we found out that Davy loves grape popsicles. We sat on the front porch and watched the sky go from yellow to orange to gold. Then we quoted Robert Frost's "Nothing Gold Can Stay." Russ said, "Stay golden, Ponyboy." Which just made me love him more.

Sometimes you just gotta rejoice in the little things, you know?

Beautiful Marriage

2009-06-04T11:45:00.006-05:00

I know, it's feast or famine here at Bookmark This Page. I'm feeling a little better this week. So! I bring you this lovely song. You know from this post that I love Coldplay's "Viva La Vida".

This arrangement of "Viva La Vida" paired with Taylor Swift's "Love Story" is so beautiful. Even better is the explanation near the end of why Jon Schmidt married the two. Miss Davy was screaming her head off in her crib but when I played this for her, she began dancing.

Thanks, Kat Bennet!

It's Not Like She's Jennifer Aniston

2009-06-04T09:12:00.003-05:00

Gang, can we talk about Kate Gosselin?* You know, of Jon & Kate + 8 infamy? Bless her heart. (There, I said, "bless her heart" which is Southern for "now I'm gonna gossip but it will all be done out of care & concern.")

I'm not going to harp on the lunacy of doing reality television and then wondering why your marriage is breaking up. And I'm not going to say anything condemning about complaining about paparazzi when you've subjected all eight of your children to almost zero privacy during their formative years. They had some major bills to pay and major pressure to provide for their family, I know.

I just wanna talk about her hair.

I don't know about you, but when the season opener aired, I tuned in to see that Kate's figure looks excellent (she's been very open about the plastic surgery she had to repair her tummy after all those bambinos) and that she was tan and had some serious French Manicure going on. But I kept thinking, "who is her publicist, stylist, or friend?" Will no one tell her how awful that haircut is? Then I went online and saw that people are actually going in to their salons and asking for the Kate Gosselin 'do.

Is it just me, y'all? I felt the same way about Kristin's hair last season on Biggest Loser:

I loved her personality and she looks so much cuter than this now...but the hair. Ladies, the skunk streak was always your hair stylist's desire to put his/her hair show talent into works. It should never have gotten popular.

But far, far worse than the streaks is the reverse mullet:

I forgave her for this the first few seasons of the show but now I'm concerned. I thought, "well, that's just some mom hair or maybe she's from a small town." But. The spikiness is just not flattering at. all. Please, please comb that part down. A nice bob would look lovely on her. Go for the bob, people!

I know I'm being terribly snarky and cruel in this post. I really feel for the Gosselins, especially since it would appear that they are both hurting and seem to see no way out of this hit to their marriage. I really think fame can be detrimental to people.

But the hair.

*this post is dedicated to Stacy Mangold, who will appreciate it.

Opnions Needed!

2009-06-03T09:03:00.003-05:00

I need some help. The other night while driving to Gloria's on Greenville to meet Emily for dinner, I happened to see this chair on the side of the road. I stopped, reversed, took a good look, then decided I needed a second opinion. After a margarita for us both, Emily came back with me and gave her approval on the chair. It had potential.

Since then it's been sitting on my back porch and I've yet to even wipe it off because I wanted to see if I'd still find it appealing in any way. Sometimes I just don't trust my own taste.

My question is what would you do to this chair? It is black leather with nailhead work on the sides. The chairback is damaged with some wear and tear at the top. Would you restore the leather? Recover it? Would you DIY or get it recovered professionally? What kind of fabric would you use?

Thanks, friends. My design friend Missy is in Africa this month. I'm thinking that she won't be checking my blog being that she's getting a microfinance company off the ground in the Sudan. Wah. She really needs priorities.

Friends in High Places

2009-05-30T20:15:00.002-05:00

I tell you what, I have some talented friends. I think I've mentioned before that my friend, Janet Wisner, took some lovely baby photos of Davy several months ago. I will shamelessly plug her again after receiving this little oval mat from her today. It's been so sweet to watch her love for photography grow over the years and to have her make a photo session with a 5 month old happen effortlessly!

The World According to Indigo Girls

2009-05-28T20:15:00.013-05:00

Wow. It's been 2 weeks since I last posted. I've been in a bit of an emotional rainstorm of sorts...mostly of the hormonal flavor. But last week there was a sweet parting of the clouds in the form of an Indigo Girls concert. The Fates tried to keep me from it: Davy woke up sickly and I was afraid I'd have to stay home that night...which was, after all, a Wednesday night.

I will try to let the pictures do the talking...but I will mention that the night got more ramped up as the laughter (and the tequila shots) flowed. It's not every week that I get to attend an Indies concert AND celebrate the birthday of one of my favorite people: Miss Wendy Marie Buck Miller.

The night is still innocent. Wendy, Noelle and I had trouble deciding who would be the "X" and the "O" for the classic Chi Omega pic.

Tee hee! Just applying some Burt's Bees! (Liz and Emily prepare to impress the crowd full of estrogen.)

From left to right: Molly (one of Emily's besties visiting), me, Noelle, Wendle, Liz, Emily
Um, Molly? That clove cigarette is indeed in the pic...but you did a good job trying to hold it out of the lens' eye. (note: if you can see Molly's new tattoo, it says "I am the vine, you are the branches. Abide in me." in Spanish.)

Classy ladies! Now, don't hate. Cloves are the ultimate escape to an earlier life. I blame Emily as my bad influence.

The Girls!

While Noelle rocks out Bon Jovi style, Wendy and I do another sorority pose. Doest thou see the couple in front of us? They were the extremely inconspicuous handsome gay men and they stuck out like a sore thumb. More to come from them...

This is me explaining to one of the very social young men that I, indeed, am talented in the art of fake sign language. In fact, after a tequila shot, my talent grows undeniable.

"Are you SERIOUS?"

Indeed I was. I displayed said talent during "Hammer and a Nail." See, folks? I aim to entertain. Oh, there were tons of more photos, many of which you can see the guys attempting to join me at my art. Let me just say - I felt good that night. I forgot how stressed out I'd been. I laughed...a LOT. It was such a gift to be with good friends...I even turned around at the concert only to see Jamie Elder Kerr, one of my favorite high school friends, standing behind me! (She joined in on the fake sign language immediately.) I had to sneak out early because I had an early morning (as in 5:30am) running class to coach. But it was well worth the exhaustion the next day!

Thanks, y'all!

P.S: I forgot to say that the title of this post came from a conversation with Katy the other day. We decided that the Indigo Girls have the answers to all of life's problems in their lyrics -

Ex: Want to go on a trip? "Get out the map, get out the map and lay your finger anywhere down"
Struggling with the existential question of life? "How long till my soul gets it right? Did any human being ever reach that kind of light?"
Worried about the weather? "But the wood is tired, and the wood is old, and we'll make it fine if the weather holds..."

I could go on ad nauseum, but you get my drift...

To Know Her is To Love Her

2009-05-14T10:19:00.004-05:00

I have to break my fast from blogging to wish my mom, Sweet Kay, a happy birthday.

There are both many and few words to tell you about my mom but I thought I'd let some photos do the talking. If you were to meet her, you might wrongly assume that she is either quiet or judging, because she might not say much at your first meeting. But she's neither: my mom can be shy. But this lasts only until the two of you have sat down and begun to talk about your life. She is excellent at asking questions and her demeanor is one that puts you at ease immediately, especially if a cup of coffee or a glass of wine are involved! At a large party she will stand in the background and wait for a one on one conversation with someone. She's the perfect match to my dad, the spotlight junkie. :)

I have no idea when exactly my mom came into her deep faith. She wasn't raised, like I was, with conversations about God at the dinner table. I know she began her relationship with Him in high school, as a result of dating my father. She's not the kind who delves into theological debates, though she surely can hold her own, but her spiritual strength is very quiet and sturdy. Every time I spend a meal with her, we end up talking about what God has been saying to her and I come away encouraged and convicted. She's not brassy with it - it's more like spending time around her can feel like a mini-retreat for my soul!

She LOVES to laugh. She probably won't want me to share with you but she thoroughly enjoys raunchy humor. Fart jokes? Man, you'll win her friendship for life. She is the antithesis of the "preacher's wife" in so many ways. I have no idea how she's lived the "life in the fishbowl" for over 30 years...but she has. She can be the perfect dichotomy: able to explain the prophecies in Isaiah over a nice Amaretto sour. Just don't tell anyone that she can't play a single hymn on the piano!

Remember that old Saturday Night Live skit with Mike Myers in the store called, "If It's Not Scottish, It's Crap"? Well, my mom loves the UK. She passed along to me a sort of anglophilia, the love of all things British and Scottish. Some of my favorite memories are being in England, Scotland, and Wales with her.

She IS a scholar: she has her Masters in English and to this day teaches classes at Weatherford college. One of the best gifts I have as a result of being her daughter is the joy of reading. If I am raving about a good book, chances are my mom passed it along to me.

Much like my BFF Katy, my mom often gets a totally blank look on her face when she's thinking. She is slow to process, a good match for me who is as discerning with my words as a bull coming out of the shoots at a rodeo. There has not been a single problem I've encountered that I haven't at some point taken to my mother. She is, without a doubt, the BEST listener I know. She is the opposite of judgmental (except when she's driving - then she might condemn all other drivers to hell for certain minor sins...Momma don't like traffic!) and is careful not to "fix" my problems when I bring them to her. My brother and I both know: when you're in a pickle, call Dad. When you just need to vent, call Mom.

My mom knew Russell was my husband before I did. It was because of her that I even began to think romantically of him. She is WISE.

She's also good at Mommy stuff. She has patience that I don't possess. But you will, at some point, hear her SIGH. That's it. She won't complain...but you'll know by that sigh that you're pushing it.

She's quick to forgive. I love that quality in people. She's a lover, not a fighter.

If you know my mom, you can leave a shout-out! And I guarantee, if she knows you, she loves you. She takes a shine to all who love on her cubs...that's the quickest way to her heart. I'm so glad I'll get some time with her today. I'm 33 years old but I still need my Momma!

I Love you, Momma Kay!

Lil' Video for Mommas

2009-05-11T14:08:00.002-05:00

Mother's Day from Dexter Evans on Vimeo.

I hope it's okay that I'm putting this on here. My friend Alli helped create this video for her church's Mother's Day celebration and I think she did a pretty amazing job (she & Dexter)! You will see Miss Davy along with Andrea's Ella & Will. Also, the scene with multiple generations? Those are my friends, The Gaspards.

Enjoy!

Momma's Got Some Stress

2009-05-07T09:19:00.002-05:00

Well, I've been offline most of this week. I'm sure I've been missed by tens of...well, ten readers.

I'm dealing with an old nemesis: stress & anxiety. I didn't realize this was an issue for me until December of 2004. Since then I've been able to manage it without medication by using techniques like relaxation, meditation, deep breathing, exercise & nutrition. But for the past two weeks I've been struggling with waking up in the middle of the night with my heart racing. Not knowing where the anxiety is coming from has been difficult too - though there are certainly some red-handed culprits (mostly the nonhuman variety) in my life.

Anyway, pulling back from technology is part of my strategy. Do you guys know how much technology (email, cell phones, television, traffic, etc) contributes to mental illness?* Big time, yo. So if you'll excuse me I'll just be over here with the laptop turned off and ignoring my cell phone while I deep breathe.

In closing, Katy accused me of allegedly judging her for crying during Miley Cyrus' "The Climb". The irony there is that a few weeks ago I was all ready to call her and confess, I'm bawling while driving around and belting out, "ain't about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other siiiiiide - It's the cliiiiiimb!" (Sidebar: due to my stress levels, it only takes a Top 40 Hit to get Momma crying...much to Daddy's chagrin.)

Like my mom always says, "Oh honey...(sensitive pause) where are you in your cycle?"

*What I mean is that stress can induce certain mental illnesses. Please don't hear me say that if you Twitter and drive in traffic that you will get diagnosed with Bipolar.

Things I Swear By: Tanning Lotion - ADDENDUM

2009-04-30T19:34:00.003-05:00

Wow. The response to the post on tanning lotion has surprised me just a bit. I'm still getting texts and emails about it today. Ladies, you are some tannin' fools...and I love ya for it.

To all of you who went right out, bought the lotion, and immediately bathed in it, then let me apologize for not giving a proper tutorial. I didn't realize how many of you were that anxious to turn your pale, wintry skin into lovely, bronze skin...I am now drunk with power knowing that if I suggest rubbing yourself with squirrel feces to rid yourself of cellulite, some of you will immediately run out your backdoors with your bebe guns.

First of all, I'm sorry to those of you whose husbands mocked you, whether for your scent or for the tinges of orange you received.

Second, I should have warned you more clearly: USE SPARINGLY until you see how it looks on you. This lotion is meant to intensify after 3 days. Give it time! Also, because you cannot see the immediate results, make sure you rub it in evenly.

Oh and p.s.: I learned the hard way that if you use this on your feet and you have either pale or no nail polish on, you will turn your toenails a shade of brown. And you will be stuck at a luxury resort looking like white trash, right Katy?

And So It Begins...

2009-04-30T15:42:00.004-05:00

From this..

To this...

Last night at church I got a phone call to come to the nursery: "Umm, Momma...can you come down and feed Miss Davy for us?"

You can always tell when your child has been "challenging" to the nursery workers if when you show up she is in the stroller getting pushed around. That means that she's been so fussy that they chauffeured her away from the other children in an attempts to quiet her down.

Upon arrival, I saw Davy sitting in a double stroller with another distraught baby boy. Davy began grinning ear to ear the moment she saw me. But the nursery lady wasn't smiling. She told me, with no small amount of awe in her voice, that Davy had torn the crying boy's bottle out of his little paws not once, or twice, but three times and shoved it into her gaping maw. I suppressed a belly laugh upon hearing this but Davy began kicking her feet and smiling at me as I said, "Uh oh. We don't take other people's food!" Pretty sure that fell on deaf ears.

I've noticed that she gets anxious about nursing now. She begins hollering and pawing at me the minute I get her from her crib. When I am bringing her baby food, she kicks and reaches for the spoon like "must. have. that." So I'm not really surprised about her shenanigans in the nursery. I mean, HELLO? I think I know where she gets this from...

ACK! People, while I was writing this Davy ate off the corner of a baby shower invitation that was sitting next to my laptop!! There isn't a trace of it in her mouth!!!

My mom noted that the story reminded her of Chris Farley in this skit.

"Dude, I Just Twoted!"

2009-04-30T09:18:00.002-05:00

This is so true...me included. I don't even understand why I Twitter.

Thanks to Amber...

This One's For You, Michael Paul

2009-04-26T09:57:00.005-05:00

My husband and his brother have an uncanny talent of meeting someone and immediately ascribing a celebrity look-alike to them. For example, when Russ and I first began dating, Michael shared with me that I looked like the character Stands With a Fist from the movie "Dances With Wolves."

I tried not to hate Michael in that moment.

So I guess Mary McDonnell, aka Stands With a Fist, is my celebrity look-alike, or as I like to call her, "Ugly Becky." (no offense to Mary McDonnell but she looks pretty haggard in that movie and I choose not to believe that I resemble a 52 year old, talented actress)

This morning I saw a D-list celebrity on tv and told Russ, that girl looks like an ugly (name of a friend we have). Then I asked him if he could think of an Ugly Russ. Here's who he came up with:

Listen, my husband is MUCH more handsome than Mark Chesnutt, the country singer. But I love that he had this guy in mind when I asked him the question!

So, I'll ask you: is there a celebrity that might be an ugly version of you? (Again, let's just assume that we all have great self-esteem and we mean no offense to any celebrities!)

In closing, we have never been able to watch Lost without calling Hurley the "fat Michael Page." So Michael, I'll answer the above question for you here:

Just so you don't think I'm needlessly cruel - here's a photo from our wedding of the two boys...see? They're very handsome.

Little Ella Girl

2009-04-24T17:46:00.003-05:00

One of my besties, Andrea, is needing your prayers for her daughter, Ella. Most of you who read my blog will know immediately who Andrea & Ella are but just in case you don't, please go to Andrea's blog to read about her little girl:

The Mitchells Blog

When Ella was born she suffered from seizures that hurt her brain...which led to a diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy. (that's my very non-medical explanation) She has been such a light and a joy to her family and so many others. But this morning Andrea's babysitter/caretaker discovered Ella in her bed, seizing. They called 911 and EMTs rushed her to the hospital. This is the same hospital that Ella was born in, the same one that she first went into seizures just after her birth. It's where she spent weeks before being released to come home with her Mom and Dad. As you can imagine, just being there brings about hard memories for Andrea and Joe, her Daddy.

The timing, as if it could be anything else, is terrible. Ella is weeks from her 3rd birthday. She has been accepted into a program that uses a special kind of therapy/education to work with children with disabilities. You can read here how Andrea was processing through Ella's comprehension issues. I know she is really scared about how the seizures this morning have effected Ella's brain now.

Please pray with me: I'm asking the Lord to supernaturally protect and heal Ella's brain. I'm praying for Joe and Andrea, that they would take comfort in the only One Who has the power to heal and Who understands Ella's condition better than anyone. Pray for renewed strength, as both of them are worn out emotionally and physically. Pray for optimism from the doctors and wisdom as they look at the CT scans and possible EEGs. And I know that my friends desire above all things to be a light to others, to allow their struggles to shine light on Jesus and His goodness.

Thank you, friends. If anything, it is such a comfort to know that you will read and pray - even for people you've never met.

Things I Swear By: Tanning Lotion

2009-04-22T15:04:00.002-05:00

A few folks have asked about my tan legs, so I thought I'd share my secret here. I used to be a sun addict. I've had three surgeries to remove skin cancer (Basal Cell Carcinoma) to prove it. Like all other sorority girls at Texas Tech in the 90s, I had a tanning membership. During my twenties I worked at a summer camp teaching water skiing and rarely used sunscreen. I know, I know. Absolutely terrible. So I am not allowed to be in the sun these days without SPF 900. But I'm also a firm believer in the old adage, "tan fat looks better than pale fat."

Enter my daily self-esteem saver:

Okay, listen: you need to get the Medium to Dark kind and it is important that you apply a small amount. I usually put less than a dime-size into my palm for one leg. I DO NOT apply on my knees but rub in the lotion until my hands feel dry. The lotion will go on like any normal lotion, leaving no streaks or orange places so you will need to rub it in well, leaving no place "un-lubed." I use sparingly on my chest and arms but it's the legs that I'm typically most concerned with. The great thing about this specific Jergens lotion (NOTE: Natural Glow Express) is that in 3 days you look as if you have a very natural tan. It's much better than the regular Natural Glow lotion.

ps: please, after application, wash your hands extra carefully, paying special attention to the spaces in between your fingers!

pps: Katy, I hear you already complaining about the smell...it smells NICE!

Stuff on Repeat in My Mind

2009-04-22T08:59:00.002-05:00

So I think this will be the third time that I've brought up Isaiah 53 here. I don't know why, but it's the only thing I've been reading since the week before Easter. In seminary we would read volumes upon volumes of biblical commentary in a mere day. I think that's why I now find myself sticking to just a few verses in a month, hoping they will stick and that I'll miraculously "get it".

More than anything, I keep returning to the first three verses of that chapter. The ones that describe the origins of Jesus and also his appearance. I realize that the American church understands that Jesus was simple, that he wasn't a glam god. But I'm not sure we get that there really was nothing about him that would have even caused us to take a second glance. In my mind, I keep thinking that were I to have lived during His time here, say, one of Mary Magdalene's girlfriends, that I would have been undeniably drawn to Him. I imagine that once He said your name, you simply were enamoured of Him.

I'm starting to think that's untrue.

One of my sweet Bible profs at Dallas Seminary has written it this way in reference to verse 3 ("He was despised and rejected by men"):

The English word "despised" carries strong emotional overtones, but its Hebrew source means to be considered worthless and unworthy of attention. The Servant would not be the object of scorn, Isaiah meant, though He was that (Mark 10:33; Luke 18:31-33), as much as He would be hastily dismissed. People would reject Him because they would not see Him as having any significance for them (6:10; John 1:10-11; 12:37-41). They would not give Him a second look. (Dr. Constable, notes on Isaiah)

See? The set-up was such that I just wouldn't have noticed Jesus at all. Sort of like how I don't notice the gas station attendant or Target check-out girl. The picture at the top of this post? I found it while searching for a depiction of Jesus that would look very unlike the ones we have in our mind. When you look at it, does it bother you like it does me? I don't like it. But I think that's good that it bothers me - because it brings home the point that Isaiah is making. By the way, I found that picture on a website for Atheists. :)

Then Dr. Constable takes verse 3 a step further ("...a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not."):

People would also avoid the Servant because He would appear to them as one who had His own problems. Since He knew pain and grief, others would conclude that He was not in a position to help them. He would appear to them as a loser, and who goes to a loser for help or looks to one for leadership? This description does not mean that the Servant would always be sickly and morose (cf. 1:5-6). It means that the way He presented Himself would not lead people to look to Him for strength. (Constable, Isaiah)

Wow. I'd never thought of that. I'd never realized just how much of a loser people presumed Jesus to be. Maybe I've focused too much on the idea that folks followed Him and haven't given credo to the humongous amount of faith that must have required...to follow someone that others saw as a big loser. I spend quite a bit of time ensuring that NO ONE presumes me as a loser. In fact, I'd say it's a major goal in my life to be perceived as freakin' awesome.

One of my strongest neuroses is my desire/need for others to not just look fondly upon me, but to see me as incredible, amazing, utterly worthy and the BEST. I'm serious. I can head into a tailspin when I think that someone doesn't respect me or sees me as anything less than completely kickass.

I am so unlike Jesus. That's why my heart is saddened to read these verses. I'm so fixated on the public persona that I present to the public (wow, that's a lot of p's) that I miss out on allowing the Holy Spirit to conform me to the likeness of Christ. And yet my heart also rejoices over these verses because when I read them, there is a sense of paradox - our knowledge that the One Who was despised is also the One Who is the most beautiful, the One Who has all power and dominion. And He is coming.

So come, Lord Jesus.

Cousins

2009-04-18T17:00:00.001-05:00

IMG_1258, originally uploaded by beckpage.

Bowhead

2009-04-18T16:58:00.003-05:00

IMG_1241, originally uploaded by beckpage.

Munchkin Fix

2009-04-18T16:58:00.001-05:00

IMG_1235, originally uploaded by beckpage.

Before Easter Sunday service at Wedgwood.

Some Feel Good To Go With Your Coffee

2009-04-16T08:38:00.003-05:00

Go Here.

She doesn't look like a show-stopper, does she? I am so gladly reminded that sometimes the most beautiful things come out of someone whose worth I didn't understand at first glance. And yes, we are so cynical.

This reminds me of one of my favorite themes in life: the underdog, the unlikely one. All my favorite movies have this theme. Frodo was the Ring-bearer. Harry was the Chosen One. I cry every time Francis Ouimet wins the U.S. Open in "The Greatest Game Ever Played". It's the Cinderella story done a thousand times over.

Just don't forget where this idea of the unlikely one, the one we laughed at or doubted or didn't trust, came into being...

He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. (Isaiah 53: 2)

A Little Honesty For the Here and Now

2009-04-14T19:30:00.005-05:00

Ohhh, folks. Do you ever have those days when you are all out of sorts, more than tired, and simply down on yourself? I had one of those afternoons yesterday. The bummer was that it fell after a lovely morning when I had breakfast by myself at Corner Bakery and spent time delighting in a passage from the Bible. Those kinds of mornings are very rare (I had a client cancellation) and I thought that the rest of the day would be as blissful and sweet.

It wasn't.

By last night I began to recognize some depressing thoughts. I had gone from a feeling of contentment to the belief that I was a bad wife, mother, counselor and friend. I had a long list of phone calls, both work-related and personal, that I had yet to return. I felt overwhelmed by the idea that, "I'm letting everyone down." I forgot to baste the chicken breasts and they were dry after being grilled. "I'm a terrible cook - Russ must get so tired of my lack of creativity in the kitchen." I was bone-tired and had decided to miss a standing girl's night where I receive both accountability and true friendship. "They are going to be mad at me - they're going to think I don't really care about them."

And sometimes I read over other blogs that I typically enjoy and suddenly find myself comparing my life to the lives of these other women (who I don't know, don't share life with) ...and I end up feeling terrible. How do they have the time to have beautiful gardens, impromptu photo sessions with their children that look professional, the latest fashions, decorating skills, sewing "how-to's" and homemade recipes? Why do I feel so pitifully crappy in comparison?

See? I told you I was in a bad headspace.

I came across this poem here today.

Song for a Fifth Child.

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

(by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton)

It caught my breath a little. Tears sprang to my eyes. I felt validated. Because yesterday I made up a song for Davy and sang it to her and she laughed the whole way through. We took a walk and she babbled the whole time. I am choked up just thinking about the fact that she isn't comparing me to anyone else. I'm her Momma and I'm all she knows.

I have battled performance-driven Christianity for so long and I make my living showing people the way out of that madness. And yet here I am, blindsided by it again. What I mean by that is that it only takes a few hours for my thoughts to go from believing that my Savior has ransomed me from a belief that I have to work for His approval, for His love... to trying to earn it. He has given it to me freely and because it cost Him His very own life, He is hurt and offended when I attempt to prove myself to Him.

This little bit of honesty comes after posts upon posts of self-bragging, trying so hard to prove that I'm a cool, funny, intelligent person. Just being real, y'all. This train of thought probably appears a little jumbled and addled. That's okay. It only proves that I need my Savior badly - that I need His rescue from a world that judges me according to what I can DO, instead of Whose child I am.

(I put this photo on here for 2 reasons: One, because I am reminded that I don't love my mom for her cooking, cleaning, or any other motherly talent. I love her because she's my Momma! And two, so that you can see a little of the resemblance between D and I.)

Help a Sista Out!

2009-04-13T16:53:00.002-05:00

A dear friend of mine is one of those folks who just has an eye for the aesthetic, whether it be photography, art, music, food or decorating. She was the stud who helped me paint my living room by spotlight late one evening. She is the person who I'd call to help me bring about some individuality and originality in my home.

She's entered Apartment Therapy's "Small Cool 2009" contest. If you have time, go check out her home & vote for her!

The Paradoxes of God

2009-04-12T20:53:00.002-05:00

This morning my dad preached on Romans 8 and the paradox of the knowledge that "we face death all day long, we are like sheep to the slaughter" and "who can separate us from the love of Christ?...In all these things we are more than conquerors.." Death versus conquering. It doesn't seem to make sense. And this is the walk of the believer.

In light of this, I am asking you to pray for someone I've never met. Please lift up Cari and her husband Andy. They lost their little baby girl last fall to a seizure and just over a week ago Cari woke up to her husband having a seizure. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor and has just had surgery to remove it. It doesn't seem fair. My first thought is to run to God, "Lord! You must have made a grave mistake here! They can't take this, especially now!" Surely He didn't mean to give them double sorrow, double fears.

This life with Him is a paradox. But we know that there is nothing that can pull us from His grasp and we know that Messiah has provided victory over the last enemy to be destroyed: death.

If you go check out Cari's blog, pray also for her health as she is pregnant with a little boy due soon. I took the time to read over the archives of her blog tonight and my faith has been strengthened. (my t-shirt is stained with mascara but it was worth it)

Good Friday

2009-04-10T17:52:00.004-05:00

My favorite passage on Jesus is from Isaiah 53. And my favorite verses from that passage are 5 and 6:
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

⁶ We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

I'm so grateful that the story doesn't end on Friday!

She has nothing to do with this post. I was just trying to take a pretty photo outdoors. Her look is all thirteen years old: "Mo-THER. This is so lame."

2009-04-08T10:04:00.002-05:00

I love this!* Look at all their little faces, so earnest, so eager to sing. I really believe anyone can be a great singer with some good instruction. God bless that music teacher. I remember all my music teachers through the years!

Here are the lyrics if you're wondering. It's a song about humility, about the fall from grace. It calls to mind old Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel 4. This rendition is just as good as the one Coldplay performed at their concert back in November!

Viva La Vida
I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become

Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

*thanks, Rob!

Tales From the Crib

2009-04-07T21:06:00.004-05:00

When Davy was born our friends Kent & Emily were dog-sitting Fatty and at some point during that first night in the hospital I received a photo of Fatty on my phone with the word, "sister?"

He's been so good. She has a wicked addiction to grabbing his ears. You can see she's mid-grab. We try to praise him when he lets her pull them.

I'm guessing they taste like butter - sweet, furry, velvety butter.

Getting even.

In more homefront news, D began crawling today. My life just suddenly got a little crazier.

Reviving my Faith in Humanity

2009-04-07T20:13:00.005-05:00

I've known Andrew since he was 7 years old. It's hard for me to believe that he's graduating from high school next month. But every time I read his blog I'm just so encouraged that someone his age is not only such an excellent writer, but so tender-hearted and sensitive to God's voice. Go check him out and remember that I believe the children are our future...

Looking Forward to This...

2009-04-05T15:04:00.003-05:00

My close friends know that it was the movie "Knocked Up" that made me want to try to get pregnant. (That and two glasses of wine plus a hormone or four.) "Funny People" has the added bonus of one of my favorite actors, Jason Schwartzman.

Thanks, A Cup of Jo.

Uniform

2009-04-02T18:56:00.002-05:00

Over the past two days I have worn the same exact outfit. The only thing that has changed has been the t-shirt and socks. At the pediatrician's office the sweet nurse asked, "Oh, you look comfy - did you just come from working out?" Ummm, not really.

REI fleece vest - because it's been a little chilly this week - low 60s to 70s.

Russ has noted that these Adidas running tights have become my wardrobe staple when I'm not working. Um, Russ? Just be glad it's not a bathrobe.
Mmmm, Asics Kayanos. I could wear you everyday.

People, I sure hope you don't buy running shoes for how they look or for what's discounted. If you take your feet seriously (and your back and your knees) then you need to buy running shoes from a store that will fit you according to your gait and stability. Might I suggest Run On?

I will finally return to coaching a running class in two weeks. I really cannot believe how badly I've missed running - and running with others. I'll keep you posted on how running affects our new eating habits...we'll see if I lose weight more quickly.

5:30am is gonna feel really early now that Lil' Bit has been sleeping through the night for 2 months.

Prayers Needed

2009-04-02T13:39:00.002-05:00

Everyday I read the blogs of a set of twin sisters: Darby and Erika. I've never met them but we have several mutual friends who attended Auburn with them both. These girls are both talented in their own rights, one a mommy and the other an interior designer & soon to be mommy. Today Erika's husband Chance has suffered a fall that's left him with bleeding on the brain. You can read an update on Darby's blog (see above) but either way, say a prayer for Chance right now. After the sad incident with Natasha Richardson, I know a brain injury is terribly scary for them.

Hiatus

2009-04-01T09:16:00.010-05:00

So...I took a little break...sort of unintended. I have been feeling somewhat worn down after a week of poor sleep. But after going to bed at 9:30pm for two nights in a row, here I am!

Little recap:

Ricky was in town for a portion of Spring Break. He got to see Miss Chunk in all of her chubby glory. (We were low on laundry that day. I promise I don't usually dress her in the free tee from Baylor hospital and just a diaper...I'm a little bit white trash, but not full blown.) We're all going to see Ricky graduate from the University of Arkansas (Go Hogs!) in May.

We drove to San Angelo two weekends ago to visit Sutton & Johnna. This one photo captures the entire visit: it was all about being laid back, comfy and simply enjoying them. Davy was great - she slept, she barely cried, and she got plenty of attention. We ate lots of heavenly food (not Dr. Brown approved) and paid the price for it. But my favorite part was having plenty of time to simply sit and talk. That's one of our favorite things to do with them. I loved that I caught a shot of Johnna with a camera since she is our family historian, a talented scrapbooker, writer, and creative mind as you can see here.

Remember how Davy got a new jumper? One day while I was working on my Spring cleaning she was being awfully vigilant in her jumping skills. I noticed she enjoyed spinning round and round in the bouncer. I stepped out on the front porch to sweep and got caught for no more than 3 minutes talking to a neighbor. When I came back in a quick look let me know that D was still happy and content. A second look piqued my curiosity: what WAS that stuff?

Prunes. From an hour before. It appears the spinning worked it's magic on that little tummy. Here's my question: how do you puke that much and not even lose your pacifier? "W'sup, Mom?"

For anyone still reading, we had to re-do our family room this weekend. What worked pre-baby was no longer working. Also? We felt terribly cramped in our charming 1600 sq. ft. 1930s home. This table used to sit against the back wall displaying what was probably too many family photos.

Here is the room mid-move. I ran to get my camera and Russ goes,
"What are you DOING?"
"I need it for the blog!" (He doesn't understand that everyone enjoys a good before and after!)

Our couch used to float mid room with a walkway behind it and that table up against the back wall. Why? I don't really know. It worked for the first 2 years. But then the pack n play was jammed somewhere between the floating couch and the fireplace. The whole room began feeling claustrophobic. But here are some after pics.

The photo table has been removed and the couch pushed back against the wall. That chair used to be in front of one of the corner windows.

The table that once showcased an over-display of photos got downsized (I love that table - it can serve as a dining table or a card table!) and is now in the corner where the other chair used to be. The pack n play is still a major fixture but, hey! that's life for a little while. (Let's be honest - it's only going to get worse, right?)

P.S. Russ will read this and call "bull$*t" on me if I don't confess that one of the main reasons I haven't updated my blog is because the only time I've been online lately is to play Mafia on Facebook. I am filled with shame to right this. but if you want to play will you let me know so that I can add you to my Mafia?

Spring Breakin'

2009-03-19T16:29:00.005-05:00

Davy got to hang out with the Meredith grandparents today and scored a Babies R Us trip along with a few other new things.

Lunch at Fernando's and first drink of water from a big cup. Mimi obliged when Davy showed interest. Grampa, however, tried to give her a sip of Dr. Pepper - NOT pediatrician approved. We were quick to chastise him.

She scored a baby jumper and got to try her hand at a sippy cup. Please check out the thighs - I'm afraid they will disappear as soon as she begins crawling.

It was a lovely day here in Dallas! I hope you are enjoying this weather as much as we did!

She'll Tumble for You

2009-03-18T09:18:00.002-05:00

When Davy was just a little over two months old, I got a call from Rachael telling me about Ephraim's fall off his changing table. I was horrified. Much like Rachael's set-up, we have Davy's changing pad on top of an almost 4 foot high dresser. We also have wood floors throughout the house. So when I heard Ephraim tumbling onto the floor from that height, I had a weird premonition. And yesterday morning for some reason I thought about his fall once again because I remembered he was 7 months old when it happened - the same age as Davy.

Yesterday after taking a walk in this gorgeous weather, I wanted to give D a bath. On numerous occasions I have left her on her changing table while I ran the bathwater. Recently I have had to strap her onto it because she has become such a wiggle worm. At this point, you're surely thinking, "oh no, Becky. I can see what's coming." Really? Because I didn't truly see it. I ignored my random thought about Ephraim's fall that morning, I ignored a little voice in my head that said, "why don't you wait until Russ gets home to give her a bath - then you'll have some help."

I had just started the bath water when I heard the BANG!- the excruciatingly loud thump and then the wailing that followed.

There is something that happens for me in emergency situations. I think my heartrate slows down and I have a weird calm. I couldn't even see Davy on the floor as the changing pad was strapped to her. I immediately scooped up her little naked body and did a very quick survey to make sure there was no blood. Then I just held her to me while she screamed. She was shaking and clinging to me. When I reached my precious mother in law, she immediately said, "I'm on my way!"

Davy is fine. She actually began grinning when her Gigi walked in the door. My sweet mother in law helped me to see that I had to listen to that little voice, the voice of the Spirit, when it is warning me. And Rachael called later and reminded me that this is merely the beginning of the falls, bumps, bruises, and scares. She's right. I can't fool-proof Davy's life. Sigh.

ps: Russ came home with 3 bottles of wine. That, my friends, is evidence that I married a good man. Momma needed a good cry, too.

The Job No One Wants

2009-03-13T19:54:00.004-05:00

I've been sort of quiet this week about the shooting at First Baptist Maryville, IL that occurred last Sunday. I'm sad every time I hear about a shooting that reminds me of what happened at Wedgwood Baptist 10 years ago. It's been ten years, you know? Honestly, there are times when I think, "now we can just move on...now we can finally be done with it all." But the minute I heard about what happened to Fred Winters last week, I immediately knew that my dad would be in the spotlight. And that troubles me - only because it seems depressing at times that he is sort of the go-to guy for shootings. I honestly don't like that my dad is known for being the pastor of the church where one of the first large-scale shootings occurred, for several reasons: it cost us quite a few precious lives to gain that kind of notoriety. Also, it somehow seems to taint his ministry - to make his shepherding be about trauma & crisis instead of the longstanding passion and commitment that it has been. This kind of recognition is weird - I feel uncomfortable when folks say, "Wedgwood? Al Meredith? How do I know that name?" People are unnaturally drawn to tragedy - and I include myself here - like each one of us rubbernecks as we drive past an accident.

If September 15, 1999 had never happened, Dad would still believe that God is present, near, and faithful in tragedy. Were you to know him like I do, you would know that he came to believe this not due to the shooting, but due to his own personal pain. He would tell you that he isn't a good counselor, that he often lacks in mercy and compassion. But he loves to preach the Truth. And he is just messy enough as a person to be approachable as a pastor.

So, I am really grieving for the family of Fred Winters, and for his "flock." There is an imperfect fellow headed their way this weekend. I know he never wanted this job of being the expert on church shootings...but then again, that's the thing about signing up with God.

If you've stopped by here, say a prayer for them all.

It's Probably Hormones

2009-03-13T16:42:00.002-05:00

Current Status: watching Oprah & bawling my eyes out at that video of Christian the Lion being reunited with his former handlers...all to the tune of "I Will Always Love You."

Damn you, Whitney Houston!

Katesabuns: a Tribute

2009-03-12T08:33:00.005-05:00

33 Years ago today marked the birth of my bestie, Mary Kathryn Orender, or as her momma has called her since birth, Katesabuns.

I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun.
~ Chuck Swindoll

Ten years ago while working for the Christian sports camp known as Kanakuk (or Kanakult, if you choose) several people mentioned to me that I looked a lot like another girl who worked there named Katy Orender. (Except they pronounced her name "O-render" instead of the correct o-REN-der, like surrender.) I didn't know her then but ended up meeting her several months later as I was driving to a new camp we were both working at together. The first time I met Katy I sized her up quickly. She had been waiting for a friend and I for about an hour as we were running late and she was sitting in her 4Runner, quietly painting her nails. I thought, "she looks pissed, and very serious." Katy didn't talk a ton during our first few interactions and I believed her to be perhaps a little aloof.

Sometimes I'm really bad at judging people.

Like so many Kanakuk friendships, I don't remember exactly how we became close so quick. I do know that I had a hard time understanding her because she mumbled terribly and talked very quickly. I later came to learn that she spoke "Orendernese", a language derived from #5 Stonebriar Way in Frisco where one's speech is slurred and crammed together, leaving listeners second guessing as to the message. Her brother, Patrick, spoke very fluent Orendernese. After one lengthy conversation in which I had been nodding periodically and murmuring "ummhmmm" over and over Katy asked, "you haven't understood what I've been saying, have you?" I was honest in my reply and she went into a peal of laughter and explained that she was really bad at enunciating. Thus, my first lesson in speaking Orendernese. (By the way, neither Orender parent has this language issue, though Mr. Bill does speak Interrruptese.)

I pretty much knew Katy was a kindred spirit when we took some time off together, driving through the Ozark mountains with the sunroof open, the Indigo Girls blasting, singing our hearts out and talking about the different books we'd read and loved. She was one of the easiest friends I had ever made.

Within 6 months I had moved to Dallas to live with Katy and her family to work for North Dallas K-Life, a youth ministry funded entirely by local families. I quickly learned about one of Katy's greatest qualities which she no doubt inherited from her family: generosity. The Orenders, all 6 of them, each show immense generosity to all they interact with...but I don't just mean financially (though they did take me to Maui 3 times!). Katy is so generous in spirit. She pours out her time for people she loves. She LISTENS. I can't recall how many times I blathered on and on about myself while she sat, eyes fixed, just listening. Katy is thoughtful. I had to learn to wait for her to begin talking. I would ask her a question and her face would go blank while she was preparing to reply.

"Katy...what is it? What's wrong?! Are you mad at me? I can't read your face!"
"No. I was just thinking about how to reply."
"Oh."

For 3 years we lived together and it was some of the most hilarious times of my life. We were SO VERY SINGLE while on K-Life staff. Often the only interaction we would have during a week was with teenagers and Katy's parents, Mr. Bill and Carol. One time, Mr. Bill handed Katy a wad of bills. "Why don't you guys go out and do something?" Hint taken. We had been lurking around home all weekend due to the exhaustion of youth ministry. We cracked up - it reminded us of that scene in 16 Candles when the kid's parents push him through the doors of the dance and he's left yelling, "But I wanna be with you guys!"

Everyone, even good friends, confused us. Wendy is infamous for calling me "Katy" or Katy "Becky". People were always asking if we were sisters. K-Life kids joked that we were twins.

We shared the same interests in everything: from the music we listened to, the books we read, the places we wanted to travel. It was during this time that we both got into running. I've run two marathons (Disney and San Diego, seen above) with Katy and she finished before me both times. We did finish simultaneously at a half marathon, though. But Katy is an incredible athlete. She's one of those girls who can play any sport and don't be fooled by her sweetness, the girl will CUT YOU, even during a game of Scrabble because she is also intensely competitive.

Katy has made me laugh to the point of tears streaming down my face more times than I can recount. I would share details but it just wouldn't make sense to anyone else. We have a million inside jokes and most of them are either movie lines, Becky-isms, or innocent things that Katy has said that end up sounding very X-rated. We were once asked by an employer to "please tone down your friendship because you are making other people feel left out." Man, that stung! We attempted it for a few days but then realized that we disagreed. We've never been exclusive, often including other friends, bringing people into the circle. But to avoid those inside jokes, that's just truly difficult!

The one who has endured this the most is Russ. When Russ and Katy immediately got along, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. In fact, in many, many ways Katy prepared me to marry Russ. He speaks a certain dialect of English known as Page-ese where mumbling and quickly spoken words tend to confuse the listener. Not me. I joined the family speaking Page-ese fluently due to my years with the Orenders. Also, Katy and Russ are both middle children. I'm careful to remember that they are both caretakers who long for people to focus on them.

Though this post is already incredibly long, I could go on ad nauseum. But I will instead post my Top 10 Memories with Katy, most of which only she will understand:

10. Late nights in front of our bathroom mirror, inventing "Gam Gam" and "Ramona" in the hopes that the kids would think it was somehow half as funny as we did.
9. "Strawberry Shortcake? I think I'll have to try that!"
8. Curled up in bed that late winter night, both of us finishing the final book of Lord of the Rings at the same time and crying all over the place as we said goodbye to Frodo. Good grief, we're dorks.
7. Driving down the Dallas Tollway on a very terrible Valentine's Day weeping as we sang our hearts out to "I am Rosemary's Granddaughter" and lamented our singlehood.
6. Watching "My Life" and sending you to your room because you were sobbing so loudly that the rest of us didn't feel we had any room to cry.
5. Skinny dipping in the K-Extreme pool after the most exhausting Changeover Day. Take THAT, Kanakuk!
4. New Year's Eve 2001 when we spent the night sledding behind the golf cart with Andrew, Chris and Erin, videoing the entire debacle.
3. San Franscisco Nightmare MASHER and sitting on the beach in Carmel, writing in our journals.
2. Grand Wailea Hotel in Maui...all those warm, sunny memories, sights and smells.
1. Can't choose between you being my maid of honor or the namesake of my daughter, Kathryn Davy.

Kates, thank you for being my best friend, my sister, my confidant, my support, and for showing me the love of Christ more times than I ever deserved. I can't wait to see what God will do in your life - but you're already famous to me! Your family is my family and my family is yours.

Happy birthday to you!

V.I.Peeps

2009-03-11T09:09:00.008-05:00

I realized yesterday that this is one of those weeks filled to the brim with the birthdays of some folks I just love to death! Ack! That's both a wonderful thing and a scary thing because it means I gotta get out of my little world and help them feel loved. (Deep breath)

Monday was Sutton's birthday. He is Russ' older brother. Wish you knew Sutton (if you don't). I ALWAYS have fun around Sutton, even if he's not having fun (wink: Dallas), because he is such a good-natured guy and takes endless teasing from us with a smile. He's also very good at dishing it out and gave me a hard time right away when I began dating Russ - something I appreciate in a future in-law! Sutton is one of those guys who is good at EVERYTHING. He would argue with me about this but Johnna knows what I'm talking about: farming, flying, hunting, cooking, eating :) So we are really looking forward to driving down to San Angelo next weekend to spend time with the other Pages.

Today is this kid's birthday. My favorite memory of Noelle (and trust me, there are tons to choose from) is that we were crying together while Andrea and Joe were driving away from their wedding ceremony back in 2004. In fact, Noelle and I both got into her Volvo and drove down Central Expressway, smoking our Parliament Lights and weeping loudly to "God Bless The Broken Road", bemoaning the fact that we were (painfully) single. Just how many times did we cry that night, Noey? (the last two cryfests were likely beer-induced, to be truthful.) Noelle played a huge role in Russ and I becoming a couple, namely that she was the glue that drew us together - she.was.always.with.us. I love you, Nizzo!

It is also my friend Jess' birthday today! We met at Kanakuk many moons ago and she is now living in Ft. Collins, CO. Go see what her husband did for her birthday. I'm brimming with jealousy.

And tomorrow is another important birthday.

The bootilicious lady on the left will be celebrating far, far away from here. Kates, I think this will be one of the few times I won't be in Chicago for your birthday. Wahhhhh! More to come on that one...

On Sunday, these two ladies will celebrate their birthdays. While I won't get a chance to see Ruthie, I'll be sure and force this one to spend time with me once she returns from all her suffering for Jesus...in Vail.

So friends, I hope you all feel loved this week. You are all a bunch of dearies to me and I lift my coffee cup to you today and all week long!

Laughing Therapy

2009-03-09T18:10:00.001-05:00

Isn't She Lovely?

2009-03-07T19:57:00.004-06:00

So Davy cut her first tooth this past week. And then she promptly returned to her usual temperament of smiles and gurgling. Except...

Sometimes Davy gets a little worked up when I enter the room - it usually has to do with her being hungry. Today I came home from the grocery store to find D and Russ sitting in the sofa chair, snuggled together, watching a movie. Before she caught wind of me, she was contentedly sucking on a pacifier and close to falling asleep. However, once she saw me she sat up! She started fussing loudly and staring pointedly at my chest. She then worked herself into a wail. It's like she has this crazy crush on me and life can be all good until I walk into the room. Then she just loses her cool and begins crying and grabbing for me.

This must be what the Jonas Brothers feel like.

Recession Proof Life

2009-03-07T11:29:00.003-06:00

I've been thinking about ways to recession proof my life for awhile now. It began last Sunday while I was sitting in church. I was watching our pastor, Todd Wagner, while he was singing & worshiping. From high aloft in the upper right balcony, I could see Todd down on the floor off to the side, a little hard to see in the dark...but he was there, unaware of anyone watching him, rocking back and forth on his heels and singing with all his might. He had the happiest look on his face and I suddenly felt so thankful, so glad to know that he was enjoying himself while He was all caught up in thinking about God. That's when I began thinking about how it's possible to live with both peace and joy in the midst of this crazy economy and political atmosphere. Have you found yourself worrying lately about what is to come: whether you'll keep your job, find a new job, pay your rent, pay that bill, afford what is to come? I have.

In light of all of that, here are some of my thoughts and experiences about recession-proofing my life:

Get Healthy - Russ recently saw an alternative medicine doctor (thanks, McKeaiggs) about certain health problems he had been having, lack of energy being a big one. The doc put Russ on a wheat-free, dairy-free and soy-free eating plan and I've been following suit. We thought it would be tough. It really hasn't been. We're feeling good and losing weight. But the biggest benefit for me is that Russ' health is improving and we spend more time together cooking these days. Which leads me to the next idea...

Find a new wardrobe in your old closet - Okay, so one of the biggest reasons I enjoy my job is that I can wear jeans to work. In fact, good jeans are a staple of my life. I love designer jeans, unfortunately. And right now is just not a good time to go buy a new pair of jeans. But due to our new eating habits, I've lost ten pounds and, voila! I've been able to fit into three pairs of jeans that I hadn't worn since 2005! I've spent no money on clothes this year and am very proud of myself since I used to go shopping whenever I felt bored or anxious or insecure.

Plant a garden - This is also in line with our new healthy habits: I desperately want a garden in our backyard. One of our dear friends has been working on hers and has offered to help get us started. Planting from seeds is so incredibly cheap. And having fresh veggies in the backyard will keep me from ever walking into Whole Foods (or as I recently heard it called, "Whole Paycheck").

Turn off the television - Anyone who knows me well knows this is impossibly hard for me. I love tv and I love bad tv even more! But the tv keeps me from having meaningful conversations with my husband, keeps me from paying close attention to my little girl, keeps me from slowing down and listening to the Creator, and it actually influences me to spend more. When I lose an hour of my life watching (being honest here) "Real Housewives" on Bravo, I find myself thinking, "I do need to go get a new bookshelf for the study" or "I love those wineglasses I saw", etc, etc. I'm such an addict. So you out there, hold me accountable to this one, okay?

Get outside - See my progression here? Getting outside helps me get healthy, lose weight, work on a garden, get away from the tv...and for me it is crucial to reconnecting with the Father. I'm one of those people who feels closer to God when I am in nature. Not to mention that someone else in our house loves the outdoors as well...

Spend time around loved ones, especially children - Being around kids keeps my mind fresh in that I find myself seeing the world through their eyes; everything is new. Grab a favorite kid in your life and marvel at how amazing this old world can be. Sit in the backyard with your family. Talk. Tell stories. It's wonderfully rejuvenating.

Remember that your grandmother wouldn't have been scared of this Recession - In fact, since she was a child of the Great Depression, this would have been right up her alley. She knew how to make food go far - one time she tried to serve my baby brother the same bowl of Captain Crunch he hadn't finished the day before (she'd just put it in the fridge). She knew that the frayed edge of an old sofa just needed a nice doily atop it's arm. She wore the same bathing suit for about 35 years and when it's neckline began to sag, she simply sewed a handkercheif in to cover her ample bosom. She loved the simple things in life. Each night during the summer she would carry a cup of coffee out to the roof of the boating dock. When the moon would come up over the water she would exclaim as if on cue, "A path of diamonds...right to our door!" Gosh, thinking about the state of the world today really makes me miss her. She truly didn't sweat the small stuff. This might have been due to the fact that she prayed simple prayers all day long. She may have been a bit disconnected from the world at large but she was connected to the One Who makes it go round.

So back to that bucket of beer at the top of this post: Russ and I had decided to go to dinner last night to celebrate our anniversary. In the past we've spent quite a bit of money on a nice dinner, bottle of wine, the whole shabang. But we're trying so hard to save right now. So we had decided to skip the big deal and go somewhere inexpensive. It almost seems like every year we pull back a little more. I wanted to have a good attitude and I wanted to be the encouraging wife, like my grandmother was, not caught up in the entitlement & materialism that is so prevalent right now. But I was feeling sorry for myself. I went to go sit in the backyard and pray. "God, I need You to screw my head on straight today. I don't want to be a martyr, to feel self-pity and get caught up in the little things."

It was like God pulled me up by my shirt, popped me on the butt, said, "C'mon! You can do better than this!" and sent me back indoors. All I really wanted was to sit and talk to my husband, to ponder the past 3 years and remember how blessed we've been. So we went to Flying Fish and enjoyed a bucket of beer (we couldn't even finish 2), fish tacos, boiled shrimp and oysters on the half shell. There were kids everywhere and one very old lady decided to rest on her walker right in my personal space. But it was fun. And it was cheap. And that is good!

Would love to hear any of your thoughts on how you're surviving this economical climate, especially mentally and spiritually!

3 Years and Counting!

2009-03-04T08:57:00.005-06:00

If you're joining me today, be prepared for a long post. I can't let the day go by without sharing about the best gift God ever gave to me, second only to my salvation. Three years ago today I was all twitterpaited and anxious, hoping for no rain and praying that my dad wouldn't embarrass me at the altar.

What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

I met Russ 15 years ago at a Phi Delt date party, a camping date party no less. He was there with a pledge sister of mine. He seemed nice. His date broke her leg whilst at said party. He was quite the gentleman, making sure she got to a doctor to get a cast on and then bringing beers to the tent where she continued to stay and drink. (Oh, Texas Tech.) Russ was a good guy at Tech. I'd see him occasionally: "hi!" That was about it. (Isn't it interesting to think back on the beginnings of what would someday become the most important relationships to you?)

Several years later I looked the best I'd looked on the outside: tan and thin. We ran into each other at a bar in Deep Ellum. Russ tells me he wondered then if he should ask me out. For whatever reason it didn't happen. That was a blessing - because though I might have looked good, I was a wreck inside: depressed, anxious, suicidal, keeping it all together for the watching world.

In 2003 I began seminary and my counseling degree while Russ was well into law school at SMU. We got reacquainted and began to spend a lot of time together. (A swift thank you to Michael Aars here.) We really became friends. He was someone who I thought about setting others up with - but never did. He got into a serious relationship while I continued to pine for guys who weren't interested in me. We both suffered from a bad case of romance addiction and unrealistic expectations - the plight of those who believe what the movies tell you.

By spring of 2004 Russ had gotten out of his serious relationship, I had spent enough time in counseling and recovery to know I wasn't any good at choosing a mate for myself. We had a conversation while at a Country and Western dance hall. I was doing my typical "I flirt with my guy friends to get attention while clinging to the safety of simply being a tease." Russ brought me a beer and I said something like, "now, why haven't we ever dated?" And then God smiled. Russ began his best lawyer's argument about why that truly was a good idea and proceeded to share that he was interested in me. GULP. I didn't like not being in control of this conversation. I tried to shut that kind of talk down and suggested we just dance. But damn if he wasn't the best dancer. I will never forget that I cried on the car ride home because I felt angry with God for springing that entire night on me. I was so confused.

And hey! It only took about 8 more months of that kind of back and forth for us to get together! Bless him, Russ exhibited true faith during those months. I tried to cling to my own spiritual pride: but! He's Presbyterian! He didn't do Young Life or Kanakuk! He doesn't play guitar or lead worship! He's gonna be a lawyer! My, how patient God was with me during that time. He gently showed me that those things were all just THINGS and hadn't I sworn to Him years before that I was trusting Him to show me who my husband would be? Miraculously, and not without quite a bit of struggle, sin, and pain, we finally began dating in December of '04. We knew then that we would marry each other.

We never really had that honeymoon period that people talk about in dating and marriage. From the very beginning Russ and I were always talking things out, negotiating our hearts with each other. We can both be very intense. Our fights were painful. We'd never really gone the distance with other relationships we'd had. Certain well-meaning friends told us, "maybe it shouldn't be this hard." But we knew we were supposed to be together. We had to work hard, even in dating. We had to pull back from our social network to avoid running into exes and all the insecurities of our single lives.

We had to be around people who had more "seniority" in relationships, who had fought and learned how to stay together. We needed to talk with folks who would tell us, honestly, about their hardships and then give us hope! We went on a wonderful trip to Colorado with Jonah & Ruthie Werner and we all just talked about our junk. It was so refreshing and so confirming.

We would later come to realize that it was that kind of marriage that we wanted to model to other people: vulnerability and honesty as a means to encourage. However, the spiritual pride was still present. When one couple, Sarah and Cary Tucker, mentored us through premarital counseling, we clung to something they told us: "You guys really seem to have worked through so much!" We took that to mean: We rock. We're gonna hit this marriage thing outta the park!

Wellll, we didn't quite do that. The first year was HARD! Russ was traveling constantly with work, and wondering all along, "do I really want to do this for the rest of my life?" I was still doing my own thing, graduating from seminary and working on acquiring hours for licensure. We were living life with the focus on ourselves. We really didn't know that it was death to self that God was calling us to...We had to learn how to become one. No small task, by the way.

Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. ~Mark Twain

Nothing will put both a strain and a bond on your marriage like a baby. I remember being awake at 2am in the hospital the night after Davy's birth and feeling such an overwhelming love for the guy asleep there on the chair next to my bed. At that moment, I could not have been more grateful to Jesus for choosing him for me. God knew what was to come for my life, and for Russell's, and He waited for the perfect moment to reveal it to us. God is so faithful in romance: He is the Author of it, the Sustainer of it, and the Perfecter of all it is meant to do for us.

Russ, I am so, so thankful for you. I can't even write this without the tears coming. I truly love you more today than I did on that day 3 years ago. Thank you for staying committed to me, this mess of a person. Thank you for being such a good father, provider, friend and husband. I am your biggest fan. No one loves you like I do, baby.

Bizkit Needs a Helmet

2009-03-02T13:59:00.001-06:00

(via Dooce)

This is for my aunt Diane and for Michael Page, who didn't know I had a blog.

Tina

2009-02-26T10:18:00.005-06:00

I don't always remember to blog about friends when they have birthdays. But I have this one friend, some of you may know her as "Dow"...

When I first met Christine Dow (she's now Christine Rubino but I have no idea how to ever call her anything but Dow) we were at Kanakuk. She swaggered right up to me and greeted me in her big, booming Alabama accent and proceeded to lift me off my feet in a bear hug. I was slightly horrified. On a long bus ride she also leaned over the seat behind me to loudly gawk on and on, laughing crassly, while I tried to have a private conversation with Katy. Geez. This girl seemed omnipresent that summer.

I tried not to like her. 90% of our campers seemed to pine for her. She had some kind of fame going as the best counselor ever to hit Missouri. She was loud, brassy, often inappropriate (okay, yeah, I liked that about her)...but she was also deep, often outrageously spiritual, calling people, "Beloved." I couldn't decide if I thought she was the cheesiest thing to hit my life or simply precious. The latter finally won me out. To not like Dow is to try to hate a puppy. Even if they crawl all over you and blow you with puppy breath, your heart has to melt at some point.

So, yes, I began to just love Dow. She was a huge source of comfort to me. After a particularly terrible day on my part, she drove me out to the parking lot at Kamp (did I mention there is no candy, coffee, or cursing at Kanakuk?) and we dove into a half melted bundle of Swiss chocolates that had been sitting in her Jeep Cherokee all summer. It was pure delight, mainly because we could have been busted for it.

Katy and I came up with several skit characters for Dow. I won't post photos of them, only because I don't have a scanner. Otherwise you'd see Delores, Gaynelle, and the Fashion Fairy in a heartbeat. I'll never forget one time when I was penciling in her unibrow for the 800th time that summer, she griped, "why do I always have to play the ugly girl?" In so many ways, I was taking childhood trauma out on her - me having had to always play the husband or mother in make-believe. Boy, we did a doozy on Dow.

One time we got in an argument, not a hard thing to do when you sleep on bunks together in an un-airconditioned cabin and basically live on top of each other for a summer. I have no idea what the fight was about, only that I think it occured mid-afternoon and by bedtime we still hadn't really spoken. I could see Dow lying in her bunk, reading her ever-present bible, sniffling and misty-eyed due to the tension. I went over to her and sat down and had barely said, "Dow, I'm-" when she pounced on me in tears hollering, "I'm sorry too!"

Several years later when I was suffering from depression, I called Christine. She was so gracious. She invited me to come to her parent's beachhouse in Perdido Key, Florida and that time was a healing balm for both of us. We are so similar, loving to talk about theology, psychology, ministry, and of course, Chi Omega. Actually that last part is just Dow.

We were both in each other's weddings and though we get very little time to talk to each other these days, Christine is someone with whom I can call out of the blue and we are caught up instantly. The only thing I hate is that due to the fact that in the past she has been a much loved youth minister, she is still bombarded by voicemails from teens who miss her. I went to call her on Monday night to wish her a happy birthday and I got the dreaded, "the mail box you have called...IS FULL." Dammit, Dow! Empty your freakin' phone!

Miss you & Love you!

Comment if you know & love Dowie.

My BF is a Techno Snob

2009-02-25T10:38:00.003-06:00

So trying to keep up with Katy can be hard - seems she's always got something new in the works. (oh, you will not be disappointed if you go there) Anyway, we are now on opposite schedules. She gets off work around 5pm and that is when we are descending into the tearful hours around here. (note: if you have ever tried to reach me between 4 and 7, now you'll know why.) So the other day we finally decided to iChat. Kates does this all the time. She even suggested, "we could always Skype, too." Skype? Ain't that whut they do on Oprah? I feel so up to date by having a best friends who keeps me clued in on these things. Last night we had our first iChat date of what I hope to be many!

2009-02-25T09:37:00.003-06:00

It's Wednesday and I typically have more time to write new posts, being that I don't work today but we have a doctor's appointment to make sure that Davy has gotten over her ear infections. Lately I've heard myself complaining about her sicknesses, her teething, and the hard phase of 6 months when babies are caught between the first stages of mobility (squirming out of your arms and wanting to grab everything) but aren't yet able to crawl or walk. It is so easy to whine about how hard it is to be a mother. For some reason, I'm tempted all the more to joke or be sarcastic or behave like a martyr when I'm with other moms.

But I'm reminded of several things today: I think of some of my sweet friends who are trying to get pregnant and experiencing the sorrow and frustration of wondering why their bodies aren't cooperating. I'm so grateful that they are allowing me to be on this road with them, sharing the feelings and letting me peek behind the curtain on this phase of their lives. I'm also reminded of so many close friends who have recently been through the heartache of miscarriage. One of my best friends once said that what was the most painful to endure after her miscarriage was the complaining of her friends who were mothers - that the baby wasn't sleeping or the baby was crying a lot or any number of things we tend to gripe about. My friend shared that she knew they were just venting (and goodness knows venting can be good) but that it tore at her insides, knowing she had lost her baby, that there was no baby to cry or fuss or be awake at nights.

Those of you who know me well know that I often battle fear in it's many forms: anxiety, worry, control, obsession. I have to be careful what I read, what I focus on. But I want to add a video today not as a means to upset anyone (myself included) or to force you to watch something painful. I just keep thinking about and praying for The Macs. I couldn't get one minute into Cora's video before I went and grabbed Davy. I realize that when I am worn out at trying to "play" with her or keep her entertained, that I need to refocus, get some perspective. What a wonderful burden to have: a growing baby who takes up your time. I confess that I cried all over her this morning.

LC, this is why we need to take so many family photos!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Homeboy Needs a Job

2009-02-24T14:10:00.004-06:00

Go here!

Seems like I have about 10 friends (along with almost 30,000 other strangers) competing for The Best Job in The World. But I gotta go with my blood here & ask that you click on the link above to vote for my brother, Josh Meredith, by watching his video and giving him 5 stars.

Please have mercy on him. This is the brother who I once gave a cup of feces to in order to trick him into drinking it. Hasn't he suffered enough? The kid deserves an awesome job and I can say honestly that he would be good at it! (A little biased? Yes.)

More proof of his past suffering can be seen here and here.

You can also listen to his music here.

Magic Tree

2009-02-18T13:41:00.002-06:00

Maggie, over at Mighty Junior, found the Magic Tree here. OHMIGOSH. Did you ever play with this? I know I did but I also know for a fact that my parents didn't pay that kind of cash for it. Seriously, this is one of the things I get excited about as far as parenting goes - Momma needs a benefactor...

Nemeses

2009-02-18T10:49:00.002-06:00

We all have a Debbie in our lives.

Because they are still on my mind

2009-02-14T23:42:00.000-06:00

Let's keep praying for Jess and Joel, the parents of Cora Paige. I think of how a very little life can change so many people...I love how God uses the "foolish" things of the world to shame the wise. He uses little ones to impact us big'uns. My heart is still so broken for The Macs.

Exersaucin'

2009-02-14T13:31:00.000-06:00

Teething, two ear infections, loads of drool and snot - but dang, she's cute.

Book Review: three in common

2009-02-12T09:33:00.000-06:00

This past month I read three books that profoundly impacted me. Taking a breather from the teenage angst of Twilight, I borrowed a book from my mom called, The Lost: A Search for Six of Six Million, by Daniel Mendelsohn. This began a frenzied study of stories about survivors of The Holocaust.
Mendelsohn's Lost starts in a manner that seemed quite tedious to me. He begins by sharing about his own family and how he went from vague stories he heard as a young child about relatives who were murdered during the German invasion of what is now the Ukraine. Mendelsohn spends great detail drawing you inside his family's history. He also interweaves several critiques on the Patriarchs of Genesis, building an understanding of how the Jews, as a nation, began. In the beginning of this book, I was overwhelmed by all the minutiae. However, once I got into the story, I began to feel for myself the urgent need to find out exactly how these precious relatives died. The search itself seems to unite Daniel not only with his past, his family history, but with his present and with his own siblings.

I came undone during several parts when he records actual testimony from witnesses of the crimes committed by the Nazi soldiers, Ukrainian villagers and even the Jewish Police against the families of Jews, especially children and babies. This book is terribly heart-wrenching...it is also poignant and important. I found myself longing to talk to my own relatives who have since passed away, longing to learn more about the generation that lived during WWII. Upon completing this book, I realized I was still hungry to hear more about this time...

I have an extremely old copy of Martin Gray's For Those I Loved that I stole from my parents' library. I believe I once began this book in college, only to find it too painful, my young mind not ready to take it all in.

Barely 14 years old when the Nazis invaded Warsaw, Martin Gray gives his gripping account of coming to age during the darkest time that Polish Jews would ever see. His survival not only of the Jewish Ghetto but of the extermination camp, Treblinka, are staggering. Gray becomes a man during the War and I found myself having to stop at many points in his story just to pull away from the palpable terror, the fear of what it would mean to attempt to stay alive while all around you death is reigning. I don't want to say too much about this book, except to tell you to read it for yourself. The atrocities committed by Nazi Germany during WWII are not so different from what certain governments in Africa are inflicting on their own people (DR of Congo, Uganda, Sudan). These things not only happened, but they continue to happen. I will say this, however: I felt such a fond love for Martin Gray while I was reading this - but I also felt that life had damaged him, almost beyond repair.

Admittedly, I was becoming obsessed with accounts of Holocaust survivors. I don't know if I was becoming fixated on the fear and the pain I was reading about, or if it was my anger against the Nazis (and all who behave like them)...but I sat down with my mom and we talked about everything I was reading. (I had previously worn Russ out, I think.) Having read both the books above, Mom reminded me about Corrie ten Boom's story in The Hiding Place.

Oh. If you've never read this book, then you are in luck - because to read it is to feel all that I've been describing but to sense the presence of the Lord in the midst of absolute horror and evil. Reading this book was like spending time with someone who has walked closely with God. Corrie ten Boom's family harbored and hid Jews during the German invasion of Holland. Her father, Casper ten Boom, shares his merciful heart perfectly when he says, "I pity the Germans, Corrie. They have touched the apple of God's eye."

Without spoiling the story for you, I will tell you that Corrie survives the awful conditions of the concentration camp, Ravensbruck. Throughout the book, the ten Booms are continually clinging to Truth, to passages of scripture that remind them of God's love and goodness. In unfathomable circumstances, they are able to love their tormentors. When I read the first 2 books, I was left feeling exhausted, deeply saddened. Upon finishing The Hiding Place, I thanked God for reminding me of His Truth, of His Hope for the future and for Heaven.

I confess that a part of me now wants to delve into studying The Third Reich and how Germany came under Nazi rule. What do you think? Maybe I need a break - anyone have some light-hearted suggestions? Mom, you still need to get started on Twilight!

Crabby McCrabcakes

2009-02-11T09:39:00.000-06:00

Why do babies fight going down for a nap? If someone were to take me into a darkened room with a sound machine playing the noises of a gurgling brook, tell me it's "time for night-night", wrap me in my softest blankie, and then rock me gently while humming in my ear, I'd be their love slave for life.

Someone else in our house feels differently.

Update: well, I now know why the munchkin was so fussy - at her 6 month checkup the doc told me that she has ear infections in both ears and is also teething. I'm sorry, little girl.

Six Months!

2009-02-10T19:38:00.000-06:00

Sweet Davy girl,
You turned 6 months old yesterday and it feels like I blinked and half a year just zoomed by! It was hard to believe that six months ago I was in labor with you, completely oblivious to how much my life was about to change.

So many people told me I would be in love with you from the very moment I saw you. I can honestly say that the first feeling I had for you was awe...and then...fear. I loved you, for sure, but more than anything I was a little scared of you.

Since you were just a day old, the first comment that most people make about you is that you look like your Daddy. Man, that kills me! I love your Daddy and personally think he's hot, something that you'll most likely never want to hear again from me - but you're my little girl and I really want you to look like me, too! This photo of you, however, proves that we'll never need a DNA test for you - you are definitely your father's daughter.

You were such a little thing six months ago. I had to work hard to give you those thunder thighs you're hauling around now. Even since your early days you've been a really, really good little baby. You took to a schedule right away, even though it took awhile for us to get the whole feeding thing down. You have such a sweet countenance and easy going manner. For your first 3 months it was mostly just you and me, day in and day out. I was probably a little obsessive at first about taking you anywhere - so you and i just BONDED.

Your dad and I have bonded too over these six months. We never knew we had it in us to be your parents. I'm thankful that God knew we did. I have to say that your dad has really surprised me. I always knew he'd be a good Daddy but I had No. Idea. that he would be so great at all that goes into it! His favorite thing is to race me to your room when it's time to wake you up. He likes to be the one that picks you up and gets to see your face the moment you open your eyes. That's something I'll always love about him.

We have a whole new respect and joy for family now. I love that you will know your grandparents and your cousins (even the ones yet to be born) and that they will play such a big role in your life! You are so blessed to be born into this family - every single person in our big ol' extended family loves you so much and is someone that I want you to get to know. We are relying on all of them to help us raise you.

For me, you've already taught me so much about myself. Your Dad always says that getting married makes a man grow up and that having a baby makes a woman grow up. I do feel like I've grown more since you've come into my life than ever before. Having you makes me feel confident about myself, helps me to think less about myself. God is using you to take away some of my insecurities, partly because they pale in comparison to the joy of being responsible for you. Now, He's also shown me again just how fearful and controlling I can be. I promise to work on this before you become a teenager!

We took you to Ft. Worth this weekend and I loved all your new changes: eating baby food (hating the peas and loving the applesauce), laughing with us, and generally just being a very happy baby.

My greatest prayer for you in the next six months is only that I would be grateful for each day spent with you. I don't always understand how God works and why He does the things He does...but I know He is good. I want to be able to live in a way that teaches this to you.

I love you, little baby girl.

In Memory

2009-02-10T14:31:00.000-06:00

Sometimes there really are no words.

Dear friends, we don't even know each other but you are on my heart and mind today as you hold the funeral for your baby girl. I have no words at all to try to comfort you but I am praying for you over and over again today.

I read all about Cora and find myself so sorrowful, so completely brokenhearted for her parents. This is one of those days when I don't understand, God. This family took their beautiful baby girl to the doctor on Jan. 22 and today they are having her funeral. I don't say this to be morbid - just to share that life is so short and so precious.

If you read this, please stop right where you are and pray for the McClenahans, that God would show them His goodness even as they mourn.

I wrote all of that and then broke down crying.

Right then God reminded me of a verse in 1 Cor. 15:

"If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men." (v.19)

and:
"Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." (vv. 55-57)

Cora Paige yet lives.

Friday Nights

2009-02-06T20:53:00.000-06:00

In this phase of life Russ and I have slowly become Friday night zombies. He sometimes gets home after 7pm. I usually am wiped after working and getting Davy down for the night. Whereas Fridays used to mean happy hours and the one night of the weekend when we could stay out till 2am, they now mean a night in and a few mumbled words to each other.

"what do you want to eat tonight."
"whatever is easy."

We were sort of late to the game (no pun intended) on discovering "Friday Night Lights." I had no interest in it due to the cheesy Billy Bob Thornton movie that preceded it. There is nothing less Texan than Billy Bob. But Russ convinced me to watch the 1st season on DVD and...let me say...I loved it. I love that show. Do you watch it? If not, there truly is a reason to stay home on Friday nights. It is excellent. This is due, in part, to the fact that it is truly Texan and I feel like I know these people that are on the show. It is simply so familiar. There is also a strong moral chord that is woven throughout the plotlines.

NBC almost cancelled the show. I have no clue why. It seems like the tv drama is almost dead. However both the writing and the casting on "Friday Night Lights" continues to be excellent and entertaining.

(Have I really spent 10 minutes on a friday blogging about a television show? Ehh. I haven't been cool for a really long time.)

Guess Who's Coming for Happy Hour

2009-02-05T09:14:00.000-06:00

Oh, Mom. We're driving down there for a glass (or 12) of Chardonnay. Honey.

Alli Aars, for some reason I think Gladys is so up your ally, too. I love her talking about Austin shutting down for an ice storm. Oh, she's a gem!

Just Some Thoughts

2009-02-04T10:16:00.000-06:00

While D. is catching a few extra zzzz's I will jot down some thoughts from this morning.

I'm burdened. There are three friends who I am praying HARD for because the weight on their back is way too heavy to carry alone. The only comfort I can give is to share it with them, pray for them, and go to the Truth for them. "Carry each others burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Gal. 6:2) These friends are people I treasure, so I'm honored to hurt for them.

I called my dad this morning to ask for some wisdom regarding a certain situation. After getting off the phone I was struck with the immense burden of being a parent - being a godly parent, at that. Will I ever be able to parent my child the way my parents did? The fact that I can call my dad at his work on a busy morning, ask him for guidance, prayer, scripture - and receive all that and more...it's such a blessing. I have some seriously big shoes to fill. I'm incapable - do You hear that God?!

One more random thought: I've been thinking about the whole Health & Wealth/Prosperity movement. With the state of the economy right now, I can only imagine that this type of theology will become very attractive to folks who are hurting, struggling, feeling hopeless, and in need of comfort. I believe they will be drawn to the "sell" of this theology that states that good Christians will receive wealth, success, status, good health, power, etc. And there couldn't be a bigger lie for people to fall for right now. I saw this today:

We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, "Blessed are they that mourn." - C.S. Lewis

And I think of this:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matt. 11:28-30, NIV)

I think part of the problem is that most of us, me included, want health & wealth more than we (I) want to rest in Him. And the scramble for health & wealth (worldly happiness) is anything but rest.

God, teach me to rest.

Getting the Thousand Words Painted

2009-02-03T19:14:00.000-06:00

Being the kind of mom that I am, I was pretty close to having my monthly guilt trip about not having gotten any professional photos taken of Miss Pretty Pretty Princess. She's so stinkin' cute now and it seems like everyday brings new accomplishments: sleeping on her tummy, able to sit on her own, laughing...

A few weeks ago I searched out my old Kanakuk friend, Janet, who has begun her own photography business. Little did I know that she would show up and work some magic while I basically just had a typical morning with Davy. I had no idea what to expect, I just knew that I wanted a very natural setting and I wanted to capture my little girl's simple beauty.

HELLO!
go here
click on "site"
click "client images"

That's my girl! And there's so many more where that came from. The best part was that Janet and I sat down, had coffee, caught up on all kinds of life and generally had ourselves a great morning. She made the whole experience such a peaceful, enjoyable time. I highly recommend her!

A Little Lackluster

2009-02-03T17:32:00.000-06:00

I'm a little tired right now. I think I'm recouperating from the sick family from last week. Everyone is almost all better now, by the way. So due to my lack of anything interesting to say...I give you Binocular Soccer!

Mother Flippin'

2009-01-29T19:11:00.000-06:00

Every once in awhile I regret that Russ and I don't have HBO. Meh. We watch enough tv as it is. But the new season of Flight of The Conchords has arrived and I'm reminded that I once memorized this entire rap just because it reminded me so much of something Jonah & Trace might have written in high school.

Hilar

2009-01-29T18:55:00.000-06:00

So for Christmas my mom got me The Best American Non-Required Reading which is a collection of works of fiction & nonfiction. One section lists the Best American Facebook Groups and some of my favorites are as follows:

I Thought You Were Hot Until I Clicked on "View More Pictures"

Disney Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations About Love

I Like Texting in Awkward Situations (oh, amen)

If You're OCD and You Know It Wash Your Hands!

I Love How We're Friends on Facebook, but We Don't Actually Talk in Person

I Wasn't Aware That Sexy Ever Left

...and my favorite...

Eighth Graders Need to Back Off Ninth-Grade Guys Especially Other People's BFs

The Wrong Side of the Bed

2009-01-29T09:49:00.000-06:00

I think I have started at least 6 different posts this week, all to no avail. This is due in part to the fact that every time I sit down to write, Davy either started fussing or I was simply too brain dead to get my thoughts down. Davy has been sick all week with a bad cold and I've gone from having a cute, chubby baby to one of those snot nosed kids that you hold at arms length for fear of them smearing you with their germ warfare.

I think I'll just barf all my random thoughts out now:

We had an ice storm in North Texas and I can never get over how the news stations go buckwild over the school closings and traffic situations. They will override all the major news shows and even the soap operas that don't come on until later in the morning because OH DEAR GOD THE STREETS ARE SLIPPERY and IT'S ALMOST CLOSE TO FREEZING WE'RE AT 34 DEGREES NOW! The newscasters whip the whole city into a frenzy. It's truly hilarious if you have any understanding of how the northern states work during freezes...which is to say, like clockwork.

So...I kind of feel like I'm back in the 2nd grade and Jessica Wakefield is having a slumber party and everyone's totally excited and did I hear that her mom is gonna let them watch "Gremlins"? but...I didn't get invited. Every time I turn on the news the Obama fever is palpable, the whole world seems to feel as if the greatest party ever is about to be thrown. I get jazzed, too! It's wonderful, all this change. Except for certain things.
I'm looking forward to some changes the President is making but I am very, very leary of the celebrity status that he is gaining. I do not blame this entirely on him. But I think we should all watch our government very closely, praising the good and actively fighting the bad. And Obama's moves on abortion are gonna get really bad. If you care about this like I do, we need to stay alert.

On a lighter note, last night while I was watching Family Guy, I laughed myself to tears when they spoofed Rocky Dennis, God rest his soul. I love the movie "Mask" and once when Katy and I were in the check out line at Target, we saw a People magazine that had a story about Rocky Dennis, except there were no photos of the real Rocky Dennis. Only Eric Stolz' character. When I complained, "maaaaaaan, I wanted to see a real picture of Rocky," Katy gave me a sympathetic smile. "I know you did," she said softly. She knows my deep desire to see pictures of things that are disturbing. Since I can't find that Family Guy clip online, I'll post another politically incorrect clip instead:

Forgive me, Rocky & Helen Keller.

Almost as bad as Mom jeans...

2009-01-25T10:15:00.000-06:00

Rachael, who some of you know has been my breastfeeding guru for the past 5 months, finally updated her blog to share about the severity of her "Mom bob" and the cash it took to fix. I snarfed coffee all over my keyboard. Rach, I love your humor & honesty! I promise to soon post something embarrassing but true about me!

Here's hopin' for one of those bath pics in the future!

2009-01-22T17:20:00.000-06:00

I think Texas might be the only state enjoying 80 degree weather today (minus Hawaii) and we had to get ourselves out in it. To be fair, I typically hate living where you find 80 degree weather in January - I much more prefer to actually HAVE seasons. But it was downright lovely today so we went to Lakeside park to meet up with Cohen Carreker. Big C had just gotten his first shots and needed some female attention to distract him. By the way, little boy's hands are bigger than girlfriend's. Lindsay's got herself a total BOY!